If I make it here...I'll make it anywhere..It's up to you

I know that my posts of late must have already convinced you that I am just a confused individual who has no clue where she is headed in life. Haha! well that may be my current state of mind but mind you I've not always been this confused person.
I have an independent mind which is hardly ever influenced by the decision of others. My family who I love dearly have always respected and encouraged me to think on my own as an individual. Like every other human I have plans. I think about stuff. Most of the time, things don't go as planned, but hey! that doesn't stop me from thinking, dreaming and planning and that shouldn't stop you either!
Travel is a passion. I'm obsessed with traveling to new places. Before I began my job which allowed me to travel so frequently, I traveled quite a bit but only with family. I have always craved to just go for one nice big crazy holiday with my friends but that has never materialized mostly for two reasons. When they were ready a few years ago to take this plunge, I wasn't (you know the daddy's little girl, you're too young) bit..and now when I am ready finally..they have other priorities (personal commitments, professional and sometimes even both). I hope it happens soon or I'll have to start looking out for travel buddies now :)
Coming back to planning, let me share with you some personal stuff I have planned for the longest time. It's funny and weird and you probably think I'm crazy but I figure if I write it down maybe I'll reminisce about this in my old age. (If I don't end up deleting my blog like I usually do ie)
Ok lets see, some past planning included me wanting to study journalism forever. I still remember making up my mind about this in class 5 and sticking to it until post graduation. It's a different issue that once I started working as a journalist there was an immediate job change:). As mentioned plan, but don't be sure your plans will work as you want them to.
I'm not sure if I should mention the next one. Hmm ok since I'm being honest, I've already picked the names of my children, if I have any, especially my son. Let me tell you the story behind these names. When I was very very little Yash Chopra had released a movie for television. Yeah it was never screened in the cinemas it was meant to be tele-film and the hero of that film was named Kabir. Obviously I had the hots for Mr Kabir and then and there made up my mind to name my son (if I have one) Kabir. By the way this Kabir ultimately went out to be Mr Aashish Chowdry (He does a few films now, and I DO NOT find him hot now...I was a kid then).Everyone I know detest my decision but I'm pretty adamant on this one, lets see what happens. My daughter (again if I have one..gosh do I have to keep specifying that time and again) will be named Sara, for the Sara I know is the baby I love the most.
Can't believe I just shared the above.
Ok next personal planning. I've picked Australia and New Zealand as my honeymoon destination, single handedly, if I do decide to get married :-P. (again since forever)
I've always wanted to live in London
Sssshsh..I need to stop typing!! Ok no more personal stuff
Talking of destinations, I am obessessive about visiting America especially New York. I have been to a lot of places around the world but no destination/country has intrigued my interest as much as America. I've made multiple attempts to visit the destination but somehow things have never worked out, latest reason being the lack of company to go. It seems magicial, vast, fast paced(just as I like it) and I really really want to go to America this year. I hope things work in my favour. I know I sound like those gujju aunties, I know America with its flaws, minus points, problems too but I just want to visit.
New York I assume is a lot like Bombay, Fast paced, vibrant, never sleep sort of a city. In the words of Frank Sinatra.. If I make it there, I'll make it anywhere, It's up to you..New York, New York.
Lets see where life takes me and if my dreams materialize. I hope you'll keep coming back until then...

Clarity of thought

It's ironic how every single time I begin to write a blog post I have no idea where I'm headed. As I was reading my previous posts I realized that I have been ranting and complaining way too much off late. However I am over that phase now and have rather successfully disassociated myself from those situations that left me troubled. At least for the time being.
I am just back from Belgium and this time I am convinced that I could move there. As usual I watched the mushy, corny, romantic movies (the one's I'd never admit I watch) and also did a lot of thinking on my way to and from Belgium.
We have dreams..I certainly do, but I've realized that I'm not doing much to accomplish them. I think it's the fright of breaking the routine, the insecurity of taking a chance that creeps into me. The question of stability (practicality) versus something you really want to do even letting go of a steady income frightens me.
Is it because I don't know what is it that I really want to do? Or is it that I am confused as to what if I really want something else out of life tomorrow.
Friends, colleagues, cousins- their line of thinking seems clear, even if they may pretend otherwise. They know what they want- Professionally or even otherwise. For them it's either black or white
As far as I am concerned. I see Grey. I weigh pros and cons, a practical approach versus an emotional one. Stability versus creativity. Family versus career even soap versus facewash!
Do I think too much? Do I give this process too much thought than it really requires. Maybe! cause even after so much thinking I often take the wrong decision anyway.
As mentioned earlier I'm not quite sure if I'm headed somewhere with this post or is it just another rant. Gosh! you must think I'm a complex person if you've been reading my blog regularly.
Don't worry. I'm not! It's not me just the world and the people that make this world that are so complex.
As for my thoughts, I'll try and keep them simple

Quick Update

Yes, agreed, I have to shake off my blogging inertia, but life has been moving at such an unbelievable pace that it's almost become impossible to keep up. Traveling has been on the forefront whether it is work or short haul holidays and will continue to keep me busy all month.
I have to work really hard rest of May, weekends, late nights and the works but I just hope it pays off with a successful event in June. I'm obsessing soo much about this that it's all I think about. Afraid of failure you may think? I agree
Ok I'm going to come back with more but as of now travel back to Belgium (I wish I had company in Bruges, it's so lovely but quite boring by yourself), w's birthday next Sunday and lots of work to do.
Which reminds me, while in Nashik a really funny incident occured with me. This man randomly came upto me and started telling me stuff about my personality, my name initial, what I do, my likes and dislikes. Eerie! but true, I have to write in detail about my experience with this chap. And if I have to go by any of his predictions, my life is going to rock ;)
More later! keep coming back
ps: I have to also write a post on my virtual life

Give up mode

It's a horrible feeling to be misinterpreted by someone who you think close to you even if it is to someone who you don't really care about. I'm really mad right now. If I tell you something I truly believe is correct or good for you, it will only be if

• You really tricked me into believing that my advice is all you depend on
• I feel sorry at your pitiful state
• I really am fond of you as a person

I never give advice or share stuff with people I am not close to. If I did, I truly believed that you were a friend that would not use me as a third party reference to your non idealist situation. Let people form their own opinions. Time and again you have referred to me as someone I am not. Not in the least.
Apparently you find it some way of a conversation starter or so it seems. I see you enjoy your popularity in this oh-so-little-different world you have created around you, and I'm happy for you. I really am.
Just wish you didn't use me as your scapegoat. I've forgotten the past, will forget the present too. But I can for see what your plan of action for the future and it doesn't look good for me.
But as a lot of other things in life, I will learn. Learn to ignore, disassociate and detach myself from you and people who believe what you say.
Till then..I'm really mad right now...really mad

...and then

Lame attempt. Would appreciate your true comments.
Disclaimer *Pure Fiction*

Passing Thoughts, a confused mind,
Wondering what to do next,
Dreams galore and far fetched goals,
God! How I want this time to end.
Tricky treats, candy floss,
Wish life was full of these,
But in this quest to have it all,
I've skipped things that put me at ease.
Until I met you, my ray of hope,
You showed me the light in life.
The right to achieve, the path by which,
Life now just seems a wonderful surprise.

Random Shizzle

Couple of things that I am thinking about currently

• My admission into HES vs promotion in June (If it happens thanks to recession). Confusion on which would be a better prospect. Suggestions welcome
• Get a voter's identity card. NOW!
  
• Get the new slick driver's license
• Buy a small sized laptop/blackberry. Someplace where I can access work mails at all times
• Save money to buy the above
  
• Go on a short haul vacation (Current options: Hongkong/Macau, Bangkok/Krabi and Phi Phi Islands, Dubai or Egypt). Suggestions welcome again
• I want to gather the guts and watch a movie alone
• Stop, think and then react to situations
• Stop worrying in general
• Buy new nail polish
• Not to stress about my first grey hair

Wow I should think less.

Maybe the grass isn't greener on the other side

I am going to stop with the disclaimer's, statutory warnings etc before each post I write now. If you have been coming here already, you know what this blog is all about and the very fact you came back, inspite of reading this crap, shows that you are really bored or being really nice to me. Works well either way.
Sorry for the above outburst but I am really really angry as I type this post. I can't remember the last time I've been so pissed. I've had a horrible day, you know the one's where everything goes wrong. I've had an argument with a colleague, will be working on a holiday tomorrow and loads of other sh*t which I do not want to rant about right now. Partly my fault too. Get over hyper when I'm nervous and tensed, but inability to work swiftly during a crisis really pisses me off. Anyway hope things get better and sorted out by tomorrow.
Another point that has been on my mind for sometime now. My spend thrift ways. I really have no control about how much money I spend and this I realized with this little incident that happened today. I went to this cafe to pack pasta for lunch. I used my credit card to pay, once I got into work my colleague who liked the pasta asked me how much I paid for it. You know I had absolutely NO idea, cause I don't think I even looked while signing the receipt. Not a good sign I say! I need to mend my ways and save for a rainy day. Maybe this is something I will learn only if I begin to live alone but will try and make a head start next month beginning. Next month beginning I plan to religiously begin power yoga again. I really need to release the stress out of my body or I will have to face the consequences. I hate this habit of taking unnecessary stress. Note to self *must improve*.
I'm hooked on to Twitter these days. It's a fun way to network and you can actually learn a lot about current happenings, technology and current news. Besides you do read a lot of fun stuff too. Learnt a little about a few cool people as well. Twitter brought my interest into the virtual world back and I'm quite enjoying it so far. Weird considering I deleted my account twice before cause I just could not understand the PURPOSE of "twittering". He doesn't know of my blog, but must thank G.S for introducing me to this twitter world and time and again patiently trying to solve all my twitter issues.
Another incident occurred a couple of days ago which part of I would like to forget. I reversed carelessly into another stationed car and ruined its rear. I thought the guy who was sitting in the car was going to slap me. I went upto him teary eyed (not even the crocodile ones) and apolgized for my mistake. He was soooo sweet, he even refused my offer to pay the bill for the damages. Even if he has insurance I still think it is a very sweet gesture. He did tell me that he would've bashed me up if I was a guy. This, according to B is hypocracy or partiality to women or some theory like that, which we still need to talk in detail about. Worked for me, so I'm not complaining as yet.
Every relative who calls my house wants to know when I am getting married. Heck, even friends my age who are married tell me "oh its time you took the next step" in one breath, and "oh you know, I think I could've waited longer before getting married" in another. God bless them
Let's now take a look at my next door neighbour N. N was married from an orthodox family into a doubly orthodox one. She is 30 and has 2 children already. N lived the first 10 years of her married life very suppressed under her mother-in-laws strict rules and regulations. Suddenly life changed for her and now she lives alone with her husband and kids. She wakes up when she wants, does what she wants, does not do not she doesn't want to and the works. Perfect life as it looks to me!
You would think. N is apparently now under depression and she is one of the many people I know who are. They envy a working woman and wished they had picked up a job in their earlier days. To a working person like me, on blue days, their of chilling looks perfect. But yes if I logically think about it, doing something constructive (may not always be working) is important to keep your mind focused and thinking.
So the next time you like his tie or her green boots, remember that maybe she likes your red skirt or he your white shirt.
Maybe the grass isn't really greener on the other side. Just different ways people think and that's what makes this world so complex