Love Actually!

Over a period of time, my blog has been like a collector of my thoughts, feelings, emotions..you name it! I have been nothing but brutally honest in every word that I have typed on this forum much to the annoyance of few others, but am proud to have this collection of memories from parts of my life where I have witnessed different emotions like happiness, sadness, insecurity, deceit etc.
It's 4:00am as I scribble this post on a piece of paper lying on my bed stand. I have just wound up a party I hosted for a couple of my friends. So exhausted but sleep seems to have evaded me these days. I made a cup of hot chocolate and am digging into what you can call my divine "Christmas Cake" which I baked from scratch and I look around my room. The radio plays on, facebook logged in on the desktop, clothes all over the floor, me sprawling under my blanket along with this piece of paper and I suddenly glance on this wall in my room which holds a giant collage of memories I have safeguarded over a period of time. As I reminisce the good old days gone by, I see a picture with R and me. We clicked this picture at her sangeet function. I go back to the days when R told me about M (A fantastic guy she met online). I was so unsupportive and cynical about this whole falling in love online system. At that time I assured her how this would never work out, and how he is probably cheating her by talking to 100 other girls like that or even the fact that the "he" could be a "she". Haha, well clearly I was wrong and it did work out for them. R is happily married for 5 years already.
Coming back o the point as to whether you can actually find the right person for you in a virtual world, I am not too sure what side of the fence I belong to as yet.
Nosey aunt no 26 came in with a so called "rishta" (matrimonial) the other day. In Hindi to my mum "Ladka, accha hai, London mein rehta hai aur MBA hai" When I told her that I had no intentions to tie the knot yet, she wanted me to at least begin an online connection by chatting with him which was evidently ruled out by me, but for nosey aunt to even suggest something this forward was a really big deal. Trust me!
Off late I know at least other couples who are now dating and met each other online. What I find amazing about each one of them is their confidence and belief in knowing that the person they've met online is the right person for them even before they've actually met!
But if you think of it, after all it's an online/virtual personna of the individual that you know. How do you know if what is been shared is the truth at all? How much of your own information do you share? How much is too much, or how much is too little when you meet someone interesting enough online? At what stage should you pick up the phone and talk? What stage do you meet? And then the last stage: What happens after you meet?
Let's face it. Life is not always hunky dory. Surely things can swing the other way. An online personna, expectations may not meet up with what you expected from the individual. What happens then? All these emails, these day/night chat sessions, these phone calls which you couldn't do without, suddenly vanish in thin air?
Anyway going back to the stage before the actual meeting, let's talk a little more about what this online relationship is all about? I mean seriously, what is this online relationship? Does it even exist? Are you committed to that one person without even meeting them or does it signify that you are trying to know someone better before you meet them? But what if the person you think interesting is not honest with their details and has lied to you about things he/she really doesn't want to share and you being the goon you are believed every single word?
What about insecurity? A new friend suddenly props up, an ex comes back, chats decrease as does online frequency. What do you then? You're obviously not in a position to ask questions as after all you were always the "online" friend remember?
Many readers may find this topic pointless and will probably think that I have put in too much thought into something really frivilous but I'm not sure I agree.
I mean till a few years ago, finding love online was for people with "issues". That concept has totally changed today. In this fast paced city life, where you spend 18 hours of your day on your laptop, meeting someone interesting online is quite a regular option. I mean where else is the time otherwise right?
It's 4:45am as I now plan to close this online love debate with my mind....As for love, it will happen, when it has to, with who it has to, how it has to..online or off it!

PS: As I am no expert on this or any other topic I have ever written about, I would really like to read your thoughts, comments or anything that you have to say on this topic. Maybe even your own experiences. You guys have been honest and forthcoming with your views in the past and I would like to hear from you now more than any other time.

2010. Another year begins!

Yep, it's rant time again. *Read at your own risk*
Life is pretty alright! Just returned from a 3 day conference in Brussels, which went off really well even though I had to come back a day earlier, cause of some personal reasons, which to my mind was totally unjustified. Anyway, I'm not pulling that thread yet.
Ok maybe just for a little bit more. I also had to cancel a potential short break to Delhi which I was really looking forward to, for various reasons! (Cmmon now! I can't give away all the details can I? ;)). But that trip will happen. Pretty soon!
So yeah besides all of that, when I walked into work today, I realized I had to flip the calendar page and that the year had almost ended! Wow! 2009 is almost over! Not sure if I say this every year, but this year in particular has flown past by. It had it's share of good and bad, well I visited the ICU for the first time in my life, and lived there for about a week.
Not too many friends got married this year, which is weird cause I was expecting otherwise. Work was alright, traveled a bit, learnt a lot of new stuff. You know that's what I like about traveling. You meet new people, stay in a new environment, are all on your own, eat new food, drink new beer :) , it's quite exciting. I'm trying to absorb almost how much I can, cause I don't know if in a couple of years I will be able to even continue in the same stream of work. (you know why, right? )
What I expect in 2010? I don't like to keep large expectations, as most often when they don't work out, it can totally bum you out. No! I'm definitely not looking at getting married, even though I'm sure my whole family is. I just think I need more time, to meet, know and understand a person and his life before I decide to take the "final" step, as for me there wouldn't be any looking back, thereafter. Luckily Paa still thinks of me as his little baby daughter, so I think I'm still safe :)
I also met a good friend after a gap of 10 whole years last week! It felt so good catching up after so long, although I should admit that there shouldn't have been this gap of 10 years! I am definitely going to try and change this bad habit of not keeping in touch with people regularly and getting so involved with my work and other things, that I just tend to forget that some people..important..or even potential important..exist!
I still want to be involved in all the good things I've done..be it being around my special children, blogging my experiences, maintaining my travel book, upgrading my recipe book (haha yes! every single time I cook something, I write it down in this book which I've been maintaining for almost 5 years now). All so that I don't have to take Indu bai with me in dowry ;)
I'm looking forward to meeting new people, fun people, people who I can connect with instantly, keeping in touch with a few of my lost friends, new experiences, adventure, excitement and am ready with anything new that comes my way..finally....yep can finally say and really mean it.. Bring it on!

For all those who read my blog regularly or have ever read my blog, thank you so much for all your time, comments and patience to read so much random nonsense. I hope you will keep coming back in 2010 as well!

Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year
!
Spread the cheer
Pooja :)

Another year goes by…

I turned a whole 25 years and one month yesterday. This birthday was really special as I had been discharged from the ICU and was on the way to recovery at home. I didn’t do much this year. Dinner with parents 20^th September, lunch the next day on the real birthday and the usual chilling with friends, cutting cakes, opening gifts etc.

I remember writing a similar post on my birthday last year where I felt that the excitement was diminishing as the years go by. But I find hard to lower my expectations, especially from people who are really close to me (Very few of em!). Is it because I feel I do a lot for them and expect the same in return? I’m not sure.

From something as small as expressing great displeasure when I opened mom’s gift (which was x) only because I expected a y! I have this feeling that I get extremely selfish and demanding on my birthday (unlike the other 364 days where I am absolutely the opposite) of late.

I don’t know what phase of life this is, but I am extremely unsure of the choices I make. Personally, professionally, sometimes I really don’t know what I want. I try to think practically, try to see what is best for me but that does not necessarily work in my favour. What helps me go through this phase though is a lot of people who are absolutely in the same stage of life where I am today. But when I discussed my thoughts with them, we always concluded that this stage of life would also be a phase like the others and would eventually pass away.

But that hasn’t happened. Yet! What do we think? How do we decide? Why should we plan? Why does my mind have to take so many decisions? She is only that little after all.

I think I’m getting older and somewhere I don’t want to accept that. In one way, I love the fact that I am financially independent, I can walk into the store and buy anything I like without having to take an elder’s permission or at least think about if not execute a trip to Goa with only my friendsJ, but on the other hand I think I still want to be that daddy’s little girl or mom’s (best baby in the universe, as she puts it) and have them look out for me.

I don’t know what this state of confusion is, but everything is very hazy at the moment. I will update soon once the fog diminishes.

Until then I leave you with happy and yummy cake pictures I cut on my birthday. Take care!

A mosquito changed my life..A little but forever

I don’t really know how to begin this post. This dates back to mid August 2009. Life was great. I was moving along making plans, holiday plans to Hongkong and Macau, it had been really long since I took a break. Birthday plans, it was coming up in a month’s time and I was really looking forward to celebrating it unlike in the past year or two. And then suddenly one single mosquito bite turned my life a whole 360 degrees around when I least expected it.
August 22nd Saturday 12:30 am- We watched some lame movie at home and were all settled in to sleep when my neighbour messaged asking if I would like to go and bring her Ganesh idol with her. I was feeling lazy and decided to head to bed instead. Around 2:00am I started feeling feverish. I thought it was just regular strain and popped a pill before I fell asleep again.
August 23rd Sunday 11:00am- I messaged at least 8 friends informing them that I couldn’t visit their Ganpati idols (which I was really looking forward to) as I was unwell. As expected, most of them assumed it was an excuse and am pretty sure they were pissed off with me as well.
August 24th Monday- The fever persisted, I saw the doctor and she advised we wait for a day before we take any blood tests as this could be a minor viral infection. I called in sick at work and received a firing in return for not answering my boss’s call.
August 25th Tuesday- Called in sick once again. We took the blood tests in the morning. Parents collected the reports that evening and it was confirmed. I was diagnosed with Malaria and Jaundice. Mom took the reports and visited the doctor. Dad was slightly relieved thinking that the malaria would cure in about 3 days and there wouldn’t be a huge issue.
Once mom returned from the doctor’s she looked slightly paranoid. “We have to admit you immediately. You have been diagnosed with the worst form of malaria. It’s called falciparum” she said. I was rushed to a nursing home nearby, where I was admitted in the ICU ward and a saline was put immediately. However I was very uncomfortable there. I found the doctors and nurses very rude, slightly illiterate and surroundings very unhygienic. Luckily for me my doctor and parents felt the same and arrangements were made to shift me to Nanavati Hospital.
By the time my masi (mom’s best friend since a zillion years) already arrived at the hospital with her son and husband. I distinctly remember my brother was actually trying and killing mosquitoes in the ICU ward. Just imagine!
Anyway the ambulance came and I was rushed on a stretcher into the ambulance (I had only seen these things in films; never in my life did I expect this to happen to me). The doctor (who was an idiot from the same nursing home) who was accompanying my uncle, mom and me suddenly diagnoses me with diabetes in the damn ambulance! (The report turned out to be wrong later, but even if I did have diabetes, was a thing to tell a patient on their way to the hospital?)
Anyway we reached Nanavati where my neighbour (also a doctor) had arrived and dad, masi and my brother were also there. I was taken into the ICCU ward (Malaria if too intense has the tendency to affect any organ of the body, hence the ICCU) in a horrible state and my tests began immediately. That night has by far being the worst night of my life and I don’t think I have cried as much ever (when I cry at the drop of a hat) in my whole life.
The saline was put, tests had begun, no diabetes, sonography, injections, medications and the works. My blood pressure had dropped drastically. Luckily for me one person was allowed to sleep the night in the room and so mom stayed back with me. Being an ICCU ward, no extra beds are allowed and poor mom had to sleep on the floor for all those 8 nights.
Anyway the next morning I was woken up at 5:00 am for a sponge (just because the nurse leaves her duty by 7:00am, we are woken up at 5:00am for a sponge). I was introduced to a bedpan for the first time that day. You can’t imagine my plight and the difficulty with which I got used to that system.
I was in the ICU for 8 nights with a different experience every night. One day they took a heart echo, the next they told us that I may require blood transfusion (which I didn’t luckily!). I took 8 huge injections daily. My hands were blue and swollen because they drowned 20 bottles of glucose through the saline.
Dad spent the days with me and mom spent the nights. My office was very supportive and didn’t bother me at all.
But the best part was the people who visited me every day between 5:00pm to 7:00pm and made me feel better. There’s not much I can say to all of you but thank you for taking the trouble to come and see me. Also those who were out of Bombay and unable to make it thanks for your constant calls and messages. Mom/Dad gave everyone of them to me.
I was at home after coming out of the hospital for more than a month. I remember the day I came home. I was weeping because the surroundings, my own house looked different and alien. Except for dad and mom I couldn’t meet anyone for like 4 days after I got back. It was an awful feeling.
But anyway I am back now, all fit and fine. Just one message from me to anyone who is reading this. I faced several repercussions for ill treating my body by going on crash diets. I know malaria is not really connected with going on a diet but my immunity which had everything with me getting better soon was so low that getting back to fitness to really difficult
This is one lesson I have really learnt from my illness. Stop crash diets and don’t strive for that size zero. It’s just not worth it. Trust me!
It took a mosquito and some very horrible memories for me to learn the same. You only have to read a blogpost!

Kiss me I'm Irish

In November 2007 (not the most brilliant month to visit the destination mind you), I had the fantastic opportunity of visiting Ireland and Northern Ireland through my previous job. We visited the cities of Dublin, Kilkenny and Belfast. I did London too in this duration but will club all my 4 trips to London in one post. Yes! London is a favorite city.

My experience in Ireland was mixed as I was traveling with lots of people I didn't know. Some fun..some otherwise. But I did make 2 very very close friends in that trip with who I am in touch with even now.
Anyway coming to the highlights of the destination:
Dublin- The capital of Ireland, beautiful windy and cold city. The Temple Bar Area (the very famous street with typical Irish pubs playing live music all around, is something you don't want to miss). I had a great time partying in that area, I think we visited like 8 pubs in one night and almost came back on a horse carriage to the hotel. Of course the Temple Bar is not the only thing to see in Dublin. The whole city is so picturesque, an

d the highlight of my trip was that I participated in a whiskey tasting workshop and now am a certified Irish "whiskey taster" :). Not sure if the folks will be proud of this one ;)

Kilkenny- was comparatively a small town. I actually walked all through it. The Kilkenny castle was spectacular although to be quite

honest, I couldn't handle the cold there. It was a picture perfect town

Belfast- My favorite part of Northern Ireland. Lively city, shopping streets, active nightlife. The Giant's Causeway at a short distance from Belfast is w

orth a visit. I remember that drive to the Giant's Causeway..never have I come across so many rainbows in one day. I also saw the location where the Titanic was built. Yes I was corny enough to pose like Leo and Kate along with my Irish colleague.

Food- I sampled the local delicacies as well as the

Indian food in Ireland but somehow did not take a liking to either. The Irish stew, the Irish coffee (so full of whiskey, thought I'll be drunk at breakfast:)), Irish cream (your very own Bailey's) are somethings you must not skip whilst you're there.

The only unfortunate part about getting to Ireland is the lack of direct flights. But that only me. Sometimes people love to break a journey in betwe

en before arriving to the original destination.

To conclude my trip to Ireland was a leaning experience in too many ways, some of which I don't think

I even want to mention. Met some great people,good times and the only part that would have made my trip 5 Star would've been watching a live U2 concert.,

May 2004- The beginning

I have decided to delete the other travel blog I own cause it's becoming really difficult to keep up. A post from that blog to this one..
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My first step professionally towards travel was taken in May 2004 when I was studying in college (I completed my Bachelors in Mass Media the following year). As part of the curriculum we were to complete a 3 month internship in an organization.
I was lucky enough to get an opportunity with the Times of India, Below was the first article I ever wrote and edited for a supplement of the Times Group called "Times on Wheels". This is a publication widely distributed in trains, airport lounges etc.
It felt so awesome to read my own name in print. And the best part was, although it was a no pay internship, they actually gave me a stipend of Rs 850 for the below.After completing my graduation I did try to persuade journalism in the same organization but I guess life had something else destined for me..

Drunken Escapades

Something I wrote in March 2008
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Yes, it’s been pretty long since I’ve been in hibernation. Well I’m back with a bang, actually, I was always around but there was nothing worthwhile happening to type about. Life has been pretty much the same old routine, get up-go to work-come home types.
Anyway so last Saturday I was at a friend’s house. A few of us just stayed there watching a movie, chatting, chilling with a couple of beers. Over a period of time a friend let’s call her X slowly begins to get high. Now knowing X for donkey years I know that each time she’s high she gets emotional and cranky and I am generally the target I decide it’s time for me to head back and hit the sack, As I put down the bowl of popcorn and got up from that comfy bean bag where I had plopped myself all night, I hear her call my name.
Oh hell! I think. “Run Pooja Run” speaks my mind, but I just stood there and she started off.
Surprisingly this time it was not me who was the target but a couple of us clubbed together. X went on about she was from a lower middle class family and how her values are what values are, and how lower middle class people truly understand the value of money cause they strive and work hard to earn it and how we were a bunch of spoilt brats who have gotten everything easy in life and blah blah!.
I listened to all she had to say and couldn’t bother to argue then, but X, here’s my point of view and the reasons why I do not agree with you.
Sure I have had things slightly easier than you, but that definitely does not mean I don’t respect the fact that I have. I may not have traveled by bus (like you pointed out) but once both of reach our office desks we work equally hard to get that promotion which you eventually got. I don’t believe in a class of society, you were the one who has always distinguished between different strata’s in our so called society.
Needless to say if I did receive a few more man made material goodies than you
a) I am not going to feel guilty about the fact that I did and nor am I going to feel bad about having being happy while receiving them.
b) They say nothing about the values I have been brought up with.
I think you have prioritized wrong. Fortunately for me I have brought up with the most wonderful parents who have worked very hard in their life to give me what I have and brought me up with a solid set of values that makes me what I am today. My mother sacrificed her career to bring me up, teaching me how to respect what I have today cause I may not have it tomorrow and I know that I can be happy even otherwise because its not the things that matter to me, its the people. You are amazing for all you've achieved in your life, but we are trying too, working as hard as you, respecting and thanking for all what we have and striving as hard to reach our goals. Hey! we are amazing too.
Although I do need to cut you some slack! After all you were riding high! ;-)
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On a funnier note I must describe this really funny incident that happened on one of my drunken friends escapades. I don't have any of my personal experiences to share as I have never gotten drunk. Yawn! Boring! I know, but I'm really not comfortable and hardly allow myself to let go and lose control of myself. Well let’s see. It's not like you can ever say never.
Anyway so this was many years ago, we had just passed out of std10 and were into what you call "junior college" in Bombay. 31 December was fast approaching and this would be our 1st New Year's eve party where we could go without our parents and we were really kicked about it. By we I mean 6 of us, best friends in college. So about a month before there we were picking up our fancies, choosing our dates, you know all that stuff what silly youngsters who at that point think they are being extremely cool do.
So finally the day arrived 31st night. All 12 of us, with drivers in tow. We weren't eligible to drive ourselves then silly! we were hardly 16-17 years old. We had really researched and found out that the most happening party was at the Leela hotel. As I am sure you'd identify, the desperation to be at the "coolest" party was always there. I remember our fathers getting a cardiac arrest when they heard the prices of the passes, but what are moms for :-)
Anyway so we arrive at this large party, at about 11:45pm because we've been stuck in a traffic jam for like 2 and a half hours and were pretty frustrated. We hit the dance floor and by the time it was 12:00, wished each other, we look around and the 6 boys who came with us, were missing.
Where were they? We went on a frantic search for them cause apparently they were our so called escorts (although we had our own drivers luckily). Suddenly we look on the floor and call 6 of them lay drunk. Hehe well they were 16 too you know, and the charm of getting wasted and the whole alcohol high was something that gave them a kick at that point.
We were sooo pissedd off. All that dressing up to find who you've come with on the floor! Besides in these popular parties, every second person you bump into, happens to know you and they were like hey have you girls come alone?
We couldn’t bear the embarrassment and in the meanwhile Y who was with us also suddenly decides to get drunk and starts throwing up. We were so naive we didn’t know what to do and started walking her towards the car.
Suddenly these 2 guys walk upto us and offer to help Y by getting her some lemon. Now I feel foolish for letting them but then we didn’t have a choice. They were so helpful, they sorted Y out after like 2-3 hours of hanging in the parking lot at the Leela. Their friends joined us and it was a party of its own kind, only in a pool of puke.
After all that we went to R's house pooped with all that cleaning, dropped Y home before that, luckily her mom didn’t notice she was drunk at all, thanks to those guys who took care of her for us.
So that New Year was basically spent wiping puke, meeting random men (who today I can call friends after 7- 8 whole years), getting their car dirty and ruining their New Year mind you, cause all they came out for was a smoke and landed in this mess, eating bread and sarson ka saag in R's house and having our other friends looking for us and making announcements on the mic in the hotel. I can’t even begin to describe that eventful night, but all in all it was a fantastic beginning to a new year. I miss those Good old days

To the man who gave me the best gift in the world..My mother

Dear Nana,
It has been 3 years since you left us. I'm sure you're as rocking in heaven as you were here with all of us and your friends there enjoy your company as much as we did. We really miss you. Especially Nani. As you must be aware, she lives with us now, in Bombay and we have made every attempt to maker her comfortable and a part of our everyday life. It feels great to have the company of a grandparent all the time, as I've never experienced it before. She is happy but misses you dearly.
Mom- I think the person you loved the most (even more than me, I remember hating that part :)) gets so emotional every single time your name comes up..still.
I still have those birthday cards and letter's you sent me so religiously every year. You were so proud of snail mail (see- mail as you liked to call it) inspite of this computer generation. I am so sorry for not replying to all those letters and just reciprocating to them by a mere phone call.
Thanks for calling to check each week if we were ok. Thanks for giving me mom. She is just a mirror image of what you were. Which is why sometimes I still hardly feel that you're not around.
Guess what?? I've finally started eating fruits! Yeh, can you believe that? Especially papaya's. I know you love them :)
I take nani to Sun n Sand often for a meal at the Sunset Room.I'm sure nani reminisces the awesome times she spent with you there.They have a new menu now, although the sweet corn chicken soup and caramel custard both of us swear by still exists.
I haven't been to Lko after you left. I feel sick for not coming on 15th August 2006, the day you left us, but I was in a helpless situation. Dad and mom wanted to keep me back to shield me away from the pain. Miraculously I had the best support system in Bombay, even though I was all alone. I'm sure you arranged that.
I still remember the days you encouraged mom to take family vacations away, instead of coming to Lko during all my summer holidays. I really appreciated that sacrifice on your behalf. That's also how I took a passion to traveling. Thanks for encouraging my hobby.
You were so proud of my achievements. Graduation, internships, elocution's no matter how small. You cherished and stored away every little thing I gave you...I did too.
I miss the house in Lko. I felt like a princess in a palace each time I was there. You know I have a job now! I travel a lot and really miss telling you stories about my presentations, marketing strategies, budgets, fam trips cause I know you'd really want to hear them...every little detail.
Dad has finally let go of my hand. I am comparatively more independent. Thanks for pushing him to send me to Jai Hind college. I remember him having reservations as it was slightly far away from home. The USA thing didn't work out..but that's ok I guess.
I wish I could undo life and bring you back to us but you know that cannot happen. I'll be at the Golden Temple,Amritsar this year on August 15th, praying for you..for all of us and will need your blessings to keep us happy.
Your dream to give me the car of my choice the day I got married remained unfulfilled..you left me before the day arrived.Anyway material goodies are not important.. you know that I really love you and that you will stay in my heart forever..
Lots and lots of love
Chunnu

Happy Birthday Bloggie

It's been so long since I've written something. I was suffering from one of those syndromes where you want to be as far as you can from the computer. Yeah happens to me each time I think I'm getting addicted. To anything! Even people! :-O
So anyway, moving on to happier things, this month marked a whole year where I have blogged religiously (Well compared to my previous standards) and most importantly haven't deleted my blog!!
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Sesame Street - Ha...

You've been so good to me all through the year. Even at times when I felt most alone, frustrated and angry I felt I could share anything with you and at the same time never worried that a million people could read what I have to say.
I've ranted,rambled for hours and you've been so patient with me.After all, who other than you knows me as well?
I hope we share many such more honest memories through the years to come and I hope you stay with me forever!!
I'm sorry I couldn't spend 11th July (your birthday) with you, but...
Happy Belated Birthday Bloggie
I can really say I love you and actually mean it ;)

Nostalgia

Cause no matter how unlike me this sounds, some memories are hard to define

jab koi baat bigad...

No name, until I think of one. Suggestions welcome

Disclaimer- Nosy aunts it's only fiction. Don't get ideas

There are so many things I want to say,

So many things I want to do,

But life seems so empty,

After I left the sight of you.

I miss those long walks together,

Hearing the pitter patter of the rain.

The weather, the trees and the breeze,

Life is somehow just not the same.

Come back to me as I wait for you,

Days, months, years have flown past.

There’s a lot I need to reminisce with you

About time, our time that passed us by.

My one year job-versary

Had to make a note of it. I completed a whole year working where I am today. Not that this is my first job, but yes it is the first job where I do real work. If I reflect on the past year gone by its been regular with its share of ups, downs, boss tantrums, incentives, lots of travel, colleagues- good, bad and insignificant. But overall it's been a good experience if I look at it from a broad perspective.
I don't like sharing about my work too much so I'll keep this short.
Here's to me and my one year job-versary

If I make it here...I'll make it anywhere..It's up to you

I know that my posts of late must have already convinced you that I am just a confused individual who has no clue where she is headed in life. Haha! well that may be my current state of mind but mind you I've not always been this confused person.
I have an independent mind which is hardly ever influenced by the decision of others. My family who I love dearly have always respected and encouraged me to think on my own as an individual. Like every other human I have plans. I think about stuff. Most of the time, things don't go as planned, but hey! that doesn't stop me from thinking, dreaming and planning and that shouldn't stop you either!
Travel is a passion. I'm obsessed with traveling to new places. Before I began my job which allowed me to travel so frequently, I traveled quite a bit but only with family. I have always craved to just go for one nice big crazy holiday with my friends but that has never materialized mostly for two reasons. When they were ready a few years ago to take this plunge, I wasn't (you know the daddy's little girl, you're too young) bit..and now when I am ready finally..they have other priorities (personal commitments, professional and sometimes even both). I hope it happens soon or I'll have to start looking out for travel buddies now :)
Coming back to planning, let me share with you some personal stuff I have planned for the longest time. It's funny and weird and you probably think I'm crazy but I figure if I write it down maybe I'll reminisce about this in my old age. (If I don't end up deleting my blog like I usually do ie)
Ok lets see, some past planning included me wanting to study journalism forever. I still remember making up my mind about this in class 5 and sticking to it until post graduation. It's a different issue that once I started working as a journalist there was an immediate job change:). As mentioned plan, but don't be sure your plans will work as you want them to.
I'm not sure if I should mention the next one. Hmm ok since I'm being honest, I've already picked the names of my children, if I have any, especially my son. Let me tell you the story behind these names. When I was very very little Yash Chopra had released a movie for television. Yeah it was never screened in the cinemas it was meant to be tele-film and the hero of that film was named Kabir. Obviously I had the hots for Mr Kabir and then and there made up my mind to name my son (if I have one) Kabir. By the way this Kabir ultimately went out to be Mr Aashish Chowdry (He does a few films now, and I DO NOT find him hot now...I was a kid then).Everyone I know detest my decision but I'm pretty adamant on this one, lets see what happens. My daughter (again if I have one..gosh do I have to keep specifying that time and again) will be named Sara, for the Sara I know is the baby I love the most.
Can't believe I just shared the above.
Ok next personal planning. I've picked Australia and New Zealand as my honeymoon destination, single handedly, if I do decide to get married :-P. (again since forever)
I've always wanted to live in London
Sssshsh..I need to stop typing!! Ok no more personal stuff
Talking of destinations, I am obessessive about visiting America especially New York. I have been to a lot of places around the world but no destination/country has intrigued my interest as much as America. I've made multiple attempts to visit the destination but somehow things have never worked out, latest reason being the lack of company to go. It seems magicial, vast, fast paced(just as I like it) and I really really want to go to America this year. I hope things work in my favour. I know I sound like those gujju aunties, I know America with its flaws, minus points, problems too but I just want to visit.
New York I assume is a lot like Bombay, Fast paced, vibrant, never sleep sort of a city. In the words of Frank Sinatra.. If I make it there, I'll make it anywhere, It's up to you..New York, New York.
Lets see where life takes me and if my dreams materialize. I hope you'll keep coming back until then...

Clarity of thought

It's ironic how every single time I begin to write a blog post I have no idea where I'm headed. As I was reading my previous posts I realized that I have been ranting and complaining way too much off late. However I am over that phase now and have rather successfully disassociated myself from those situations that left me troubled. At least for the time being.
I am just back from Belgium and this time I am convinced that I could move there. As usual I watched the mushy, corny, romantic movies (the one's I'd never admit I watch) and also did a lot of thinking on my way to and from Belgium.
We have dreams..I certainly do, but I've realized that I'm not doing much to accomplish them. I think it's the fright of breaking the routine, the insecurity of taking a chance that creeps into me. The question of stability (practicality) versus something you really want to do even letting go of a steady income frightens me.
Is it because I don't know what is it that I really want to do? Or is it that I am confused as to what if I really want something else out of life tomorrow.
Friends, colleagues, cousins- their line of thinking seems clear, even if they may pretend otherwise. They know what they want- Professionally or even otherwise. For them it's either black or white
As far as I am concerned. I see Grey. I weigh pros and cons, a practical approach versus an emotional one. Stability versus creativity. Family versus career even soap versus facewash!
Do I think too much? Do I give this process too much thought than it really requires. Maybe! cause even after so much thinking I often take the wrong decision anyway.
As mentioned earlier I'm not quite sure if I'm headed somewhere with this post or is it just another rant. Gosh! you must think I'm a complex person if you've been reading my blog regularly.
Don't worry. I'm not! It's not me just the world and the people that make this world that are so complex.
As for my thoughts, I'll try and keep them simple

Quick Update

Yes, agreed, I have to shake off my blogging inertia, but life has been moving at such an unbelievable pace that it's almost become impossible to keep up. Traveling has been on the forefront whether it is work or short haul holidays and will continue to keep me busy all month.
I have to work really hard rest of May, weekends, late nights and the works but I just hope it pays off with a successful event in June. I'm obsessing soo much about this that it's all I think about. Afraid of failure you may think? I agree
Ok I'm going to come back with more but as of now travel back to Belgium (I wish I had company in Bruges, it's so lovely but quite boring by yourself), w's birthday next Sunday and lots of work to do.
Which reminds me, while in Nashik a really funny incident occured with me. This man randomly came upto me and started telling me stuff about my personality, my name initial, what I do, my likes and dislikes. Eerie! but true, I have to write in detail about my experience with this chap. And if I have to go by any of his predictions, my life is going to rock ;)
More later! keep coming back
ps: I have to also write a post on my virtual life

Give up mode

It's a horrible feeling to be misinterpreted by someone who you think close to you even if it is to someone who you don't really care about. I'm really mad right now. If I tell you something I truly believe is correct or good for you, it will only be if

• You really tricked me into believing that my advice is all you depend on
• I feel sorry at your pitiful state
• I really am fond of you as a person

I never give advice or share stuff with people I am not close to. If I did, I truly believed that you were a friend that would not use me as a third party reference to your non idealist situation. Let people form their own opinions. Time and again you have referred to me as someone I am not. Not in the least.
Apparently you find it some way of a conversation starter or so it seems. I see you enjoy your popularity in this oh-so-little-different world you have created around you, and I'm happy for you. I really am.
Just wish you didn't use me as your scapegoat. I've forgotten the past, will forget the present too. But I can for see what your plan of action for the future and it doesn't look good for me.
But as a lot of other things in life, I will learn. Learn to ignore, disassociate and detach myself from you and people who believe what you say.
Till then..I'm really mad right now...really mad

...and then

Lame attempt. Would appreciate your true comments.
Disclaimer *Pure Fiction*

Passing Thoughts, a confused mind,
Wondering what to do next,
Dreams galore and far fetched goals,
God! How I want this time to end.
Tricky treats, candy floss,
Wish life was full of these,
But in this quest to have it all,
I've skipped things that put me at ease.
Until I met you, my ray of hope,
You showed me the light in life.
The right to achieve, the path by which,
Life now just seems a wonderful surprise.

Random Shizzle

Couple of things that I am thinking about currently

• My admission into HES vs promotion in June (If it happens thanks to recession). Confusion on which would be a better prospect. Suggestions welcome
• Get a voter's identity card. NOW!
  
• Get the new slick driver's license
• Buy a small sized laptop/blackberry. Someplace where I can access work mails at all times
• Save money to buy the above
  
• Go on a short haul vacation (Current options: Hongkong/Macau, Bangkok/Krabi and Phi Phi Islands, Dubai or Egypt). Suggestions welcome again
• I want to gather the guts and watch a movie alone
• Stop, think and then react to situations
• Stop worrying in general
• Buy new nail polish
• Not to stress about my first grey hair

Wow I should think less.

Maybe the grass isn't greener on the other side

I am going to stop with the disclaimer's, statutory warnings etc before each post I write now. If you have been coming here already, you know what this blog is all about and the very fact you came back, inspite of reading this crap, shows that you are really bored or being really nice to me. Works well either way.
Sorry for the above outburst but I am really really angry as I type this post. I can't remember the last time I've been so pissed. I've had a horrible day, you know the one's where everything goes wrong. I've had an argument with a colleague, will be working on a holiday tomorrow and loads of other sh*t which I do not want to rant about right now. Partly my fault too. Get over hyper when I'm nervous and tensed, but inability to work swiftly during a crisis really pisses me off. Anyway hope things get better and sorted out by tomorrow.
Another point that has been on my mind for sometime now. My spend thrift ways. I really have no control about how much money I spend and this I realized with this little incident that happened today. I went to this cafe to pack pasta for lunch. I used my credit card to pay, once I got into work my colleague who liked the pasta asked me how much I paid for it. You know I had absolutely NO idea, cause I don't think I even looked while signing the receipt. Not a good sign I say! I need to mend my ways and save for a rainy day. Maybe this is something I will learn only if I begin to live alone but will try and make a head start next month beginning. Next month beginning I plan to religiously begin power yoga again. I really need to release the stress out of my body or I will have to face the consequences. I hate this habit of taking unnecessary stress. Note to self *must improve*.
I'm hooked on to Twitter these days. It's a fun way to network and you can actually learn a lot about current happenings, technology and current news. Besides you do read a lot of fun stuff too. Learnt a little about a few cool people as well. Twitter brought my interest into the virtual world back and I'm quite enjoying it so far. Weird considering I deleted my account twice before cause I just could not understand the PURPOSE of "twittering". He doesn't know of my blog, but must thank G.S for introducing me to this twitter world and time and again patiently trying to solve all my twitter issues.
Another incident occurred a couple of days ago which part of I would like to forget. I reversed carelessly into another stationed car and ruined its rear. I thought the guy who was sitting in the car was going to slap me. I went upto him teary eyed (not even the crocodile ones) and apolgized for my mistake. He was soooo sweet, he even refused my offer to pay the bill for the damages. Even if he has insurance I still think it is a very sweet gesture. He did tell me that he would've bashed me up if I was a guy. This, according to B is hypocracy or partiality to women or some theory like that, which we still need to talk in detail about. Worked for me, so I'm not complaining as yet.
Every relative who calls my house wants to know when I am getting married. Heck, even friends my age who are married tell me "oh its time you took the next step" in one breath, and "oh you know, I think I could've waited longer before getting married" in another. God bless them
Let's now take a look at my next door neighbour N. N was married from an orthodox family into a doubly orthodox one. She is 30 and has 2 children already. N lived the first 10 years of her married life very suppressed under her mother-in-laws strict rules and regulations. Suddenly life changed for her and now she lives alone with her husband and kids. She wakes up when she wants, does what she wants, does not do not she doesn't want to and the works. Perfect life as it looks to me!
You would think. N is apparently now under depression and she is one of the many people I know who are. They envy a working woman and wished they had picked up a job in their earlier days. To a working person like me, on blue days, their of chilling looks perfect. But yes if I logically think about it, doing something constructive (may not always be working) is important to keep your mind focused and thinking.
So the next time you like his tie or her green boots, remember that maybe she likes your red skirt or he your white shirt.
Maybe the grass isn't really greener on the other side. Just different ways people think and that's what makes this world so complex

Emotional Rant

I waited long..long enough for you to come. And then you did. You came and life with you was never the same. You came into my life with resistance even annoyance of my loved ones. It was hard for me to take the decision that I wanted to be with you, but once I was, there was no one better I could even think of.
You flew over continents just to spend a life, our life together. Those moments we spent, I almost thought I was falling in love all over again and this time, I wasn't even afraid cause I knew I wanted to be with you.
You had your weak points, you were stubborn- always wanted the aloe vera shampoo, always wanted to eat out of my plate even though the same food lay in your bowl, but I loved you with all of that. I had my weak points too, but I'd succumb. Cause you had become my weakness.
We ate, drank, made merry, you barked at all the cats whereas I took care of the stray's that tried to get you, we watched tv, listened to U2, life was never this perfect
And now you've decided to go. Well you haven't but circumstances have taken this decision for both of us. You know I tried, I really did. I haven't given up hope as yet, maybe someday you will come back.
I know where you're going and I know you will be very happy there. But I won't come and see you. The pain of parting will be bad enough for me to take, I won't be able to, I hope you understand.
Even though I won't be your mom anymore, you will always be my son, my first baby who I took care of, who I felt responsible towards, who I felt like spending time with. I'm sorry for making you go through this transition yet again, I'm sorry for giving you hope and letting you loose. I know you will be happy, but a part of me will always be missing.

25 Random things about me

Ok, so compulsive writer has tagged me to write 25 most random facts about me. Truth is that everything about me random. This should be easy, Lets go

1. I am blind. For those who know me, it's a given. My own mother may pass right in front of my face and I will not be able to see her. People generally confuse this blindness for snobbery, or an "attitude" problem, but that indeed in untrue. So next time if you bump into me on the road, say "hi" ok? Thanks to my blindness, I have lost innumerable potential friends, bumped into oh-so-many (poles, desks and other furniture) and also suffered from multiple minor fractures
2. I get nervous very very easily and whenever I'm nervous I fall down. Hmm, well, yeah I do. It's happened way too many times for me to argue with the above statement. Right from the time I was in school, till date when I have something really important at work, I just have to fall.
3. From the time I can remember I have always loved Shahrukh Khan. I have watched all his movies, fantasized about being his wife, collected postcards and stuck them on notebooks and done all that cheesy stuff. I also have a very soft corner for Sourav Ganguly.
4. I am very lazy. Apparently I take lazy to another level (Kunal, Shakti can vouch for this). I also adore my sleep. I have slept for over 16 hours at a stretch. I can stay up all night but it is very difficult to wake me up in the morning.
5. I love Indianized Chinese food. I could eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. On that note, I also love eating out
6. I feel a sense of pride every single time I hear our national anthem. I am proud to be an Indian and love India in spite of all it's flaws.
7. I love long showers! I spend at least one hour having a bath each day.
8. I don't like bad grammar- anyways, no ways, babez, in da club are not my scene. Also when people call me "poo", I hate it
9. I love the rain. I can look out of my window for hours, dance, sing and get wet when it's raining
10. I am very picky when it comes to men and have a special thing for men who can sing or play the guitar (I don't know why). I love it when a guy touches the feet of elders at a public gathering (weddings for eg). I think it tells a lot about where he comes from. I also have a thing for brains over brawn , although a combination would be ideal :)
11. Apart from laziness I also take hindi to another level.
12. I love traveling and am really glad my job allows me to. I have traveled to quite a few places around India and the world and can live permanently out of my suitcase.
13. I am extremely emotional, I cry at the drop of a hat. I also cry when I'm angry which sux, cause I've already almost lost the battle by then. I cry at movies, after watching emotional tv shows at anything and everything
14. I am a good listener and often give my true opinion when asked. Friends generally come and share their inner most secrets with me and I am pretty good with them
15. My face gives away everything. Hence it becomes really difficult for me to lie. If I don't like you, I could try my best to pretend but you'd know anyway
16. I HATE flowers and stuffed toys. No reason but I do, from the very beginning.
17. I love surprises. Anything from a small wrapped gift to a nice expensive dinner, I love it all! I am also a self confessed shop-o-holic. I love buying anything. I mean I could enter a hardware store and come out with my bags full.
18. When I like someone, I try so hard not to show that I like him, the person almost begins to think I hate him. So if you think I hate you, that actually means I get weak knees when you're around. Which goes to prove, I'm pretty good with creating confusion. For myself and others
19. I love holding onto my past. I have such awesome memories from then, I find extremely it hard to let go of them
20. I've always wanted to win an award. for anything. I have practiced my thank you speech innumerable times in front of the mirror and in the shower using the shampoo bottle for a mic
21. It is very easy to embarrass me.I go red in the face within seconds. I don't want to give you anymore ideas
22. I envy people who can swim, do math or play chess
23. I never interfere in anyone Else's space. To each his own and I respect everyone's right to live the way they want to
24. I am terrified of cats. They scare the hell outta me
25. I hate to LOSE. I am a very very bad loser. I don't believe in second. You either come first or you lose the race.


Compulsive, is this ok? If you read my crap, you need to do this tag

It's the time to disco!

*Statutory Warning*
I am not quite sure where I am headed with this post so may God be with you if you actually decide to read this crap. Amen!
I like Indian weddings. Even though I may have grumbled about them in the past, if the wedding is of a close friend or someone you are very close to it can actually be fun. The latest fad, actually it has been there for a quite a while now for me to term it as "latest", is the sangeet function at a wedding. Ok sangeets are fun! but only if you are involved. For example, if I'm dancing at a cousin's sangeet, the only people interested in watching me would be my parents!
Off late I find sangeets another way through which people like to show their dancing skills off. The purpose of a sangeet is the whole family coming together and doing something for the soon to be newly weds. Aunties, grannies, uncles, little children going on and on and on on a million songs almost puts me to sleep. Choreographers are charing exhorbidant rates to put up these filmy skits and other paraphanalia which I feel somewhere loses the whole purpose of a family sangeet.
Over the years I have been a part of a million sangeets for friends, cousins etc and overall I have had a fun time. I have so many memories attached to each performance, there are so many before and after stories. So what if I suck at dance, am stiff, stage conscious or whatever, Here's to many more "desi girls" :)

2009!

Yes! I agree. I need to shake off my blogging inertia. Actually I have been so busy its almost unbelievable. Days have begun to pass so quickly. Imagine my first post of 2009 comes in February. January was fun. I went on a 15 day work trip to Delhi, Bangalore, Ahmedabad and Kolkata and oh my god it was a blast. We worked hard and partied harder. There were some tense moments too, but I overcame them. You know on the work front vs personal front, I find my work personality to be much more confident, overpowering and less self conscious hence leading to being more popular in that account.
I don't know if you get what I am trying to state but don't bother.
Anyway, so what expections do I have in 2009? None what so ever! I am fed up of hoping for this, wishing for this, wanting this and getting something totally different in return. I know for a fact that work's going to be a bitch. I have some expections on that front sometime around June, hence will rant on that later. Personally, hmm, don't think I'm going to have time for anything this year. I am so clubbed with things to do, things I need to get back on track, the urgency of changing my erratic lifestyle, it doesnt leave much space for me to even use the word "personal" :).
Plus I've always been a one track mind person. Focus on one thing at a time types, which reminds me, I have a habit of sometimes reading other blogs. K is quite helpful with linking me to some interesting blog he thinks I would like. When reading this one person out, I was particularly impressed, not so much with the writing but more so with how straightforward he was. Straight, no nonsense, totally not confused, super clarity of thoughts. I wish I could be like that but in my ability to please everyone around me, I sometimes miss pleasing the most important person :ME!
This is quite a dull, drab welcome to 2009 post, but whatever. I have work to do! Blah!