Give up mode

It's a horrible feeling to be misinterpreted by someone who you think close to you even if it is to someone who you don't really care about. I'm really mad right now. If I tell you something I truly believe is correct or good for you, it will only be if

• You really tricked me into believing that my advice is all you depend on
• I feel sorry at your pitiful state
• I really am fond of you as a person

I never give advice or share stuff with people I am not close to. If I did, I truly believed that you were a friend that would not use me as a third party reference to your non idealist situation. Let people form their own opinions. Time and again you have referred to me as someone I am not. Not in the least.
Apparently you find it some way of a conversation starter or so it seems. I see you enjoy your popularity in this oh-so-little-different world you have created around you, and I'm happy for you. I really am.
Just wish you didn't use me as your scapegoat. I've forgotten the past, will forget the present too. But I can for see what your plan of action for the future and it doesn't look good for me.
But as a lot of other things in life, I will learn. Learn to ignore, disassociate and detach myself from you and people who believe what you say.
Till then..I'm really mad right now...really mad

...and then

Lame attempt. Would appreciate your true comments.
Disclaimer *Pure Fiction*

Passing Thoughts, a confused mind,
Wondering what to do next,
Dreams galore and far fetched goals,
God! How I want this time to end.
Tricky treats, candy floss,
Wish life was full of these,
But in this quest to have it all,
I've skipped things that put me at ease.
Until I met you, my ray of hope,
You showed me the light in life.
The right to achieve, the path by which,
Life now just seems a wonderful surprise.

Random Shizzle

Couple of things that I am thinking about currently

• My admission into HES vs promotion in June (If it happens thanks to recession). Confusion on which would be a better prospect. Suggestions welcome
• Get a voter's identity card. NOW!
  
• Get the new slick driver's license
• Buy a small sized laptop/blackberry. Someplace where I can access work mails at all times
• Save money to buy the above
  
• Go on a short haul vacation (Current options: Hongkong/Macau, Bangkok/Krabi and Phi Phi Islands, Dubai or Egypt). Suggestions welcome again
• I want to gather the guts and watch a movie alone
• Stop, think and then react to situations
• Stop worrying in general
• Buy new nail polish
• Not to stress about my first grey hair

Wow I should think less.

Maybe the grass isn't greener on the other side

I am going to stop with the disclaimer's, statutory warnings etc before each post I write now. If you have been coming here already, you know what this blog is all about and the very fact you came back, inspite of reading this crap, shows that you are really bored or being really nice to me. Works well either way.
Sorry for the above outburst but I am really really angry as I type this post. I can't remember the last time I've been so pissed. I've had a horrible day, you know the one's where everything goes wrong. I've had an argument with a colleague, will be working on a holiday tomorrow and loads of other sh*t which I do not want to rant about right now. Partly my fault too. Get over hyper when I'm nervous and tensed, but inability to work swiftly during a crisis really pisses me off. Anyway hope things get better and sorted out by tomorrow.
Another point that has been on my mind for sometime now. My spend thrift ways. I really have no control about how much money I spend and this I realized with this little incident that happened today. I went to this cafe to pack pasta for lunch. I used my credit card to pay, once I got into work my colleague who liked the pasta asked me how much I paid for it. You know I had absolutely NO idea, cause I don't think I even looked while signing the receipt. Not a good sign I say! I need to mend my ways and save for a rainy day. Maybe this is something I will learn only if I begin to live alone but will try and make a head start next month beginning. Next month beginning I plan to religiously begin power yoga again. I really need to release the stress out of my body or I will have to face the consequences. I hate this habit of taking unnecessary stress. Note to self *must improve*.
I'm hooked on to Twitter these days. It's a fun way to network and you can actually learn a lot about current happenings, technology and current news. Besides you do read a lot of fun stuff too. Learnt a little about a few cool people as well. Twitter brought my interest into the virtual world back and I'm quite enjoying it so far. Weird considering I deleted my account twice before cause I just could not understand the PURPOSE of "twittering". He doesn't know of my blog, but must thank G.S for introducing me to this twitter world and time and again patiently trying to solve all my twitter issues.
Another incident occurred a couple of days ago which part of I would like to forget. I reversed carelessly into another stationed car and ruined its rear. I thought the guy who was sitting in the car was going to slap me. I went upto him teary eyed (not even the crocodile ones) and apolgized for my mistake. He was soooo sweet, he even refused my offer to pay the bill for the damages. Even if he has insurance I still think it is a very sweet gesture. He did tell me that he would've bashed me up if I was a guy. This, according to B is hypocracy or partiality to women or some theory like that, which we still need to talk in detail about. Worked for me, so I'm not complaining as yet.
Every relative who calls my house wants to know when I am getting married. Heck, even friends my age who are married tell me "oh its time you took the next step" in one breath, and "oh you know, I think I could've waited longer before getting married" in another. God bless them
Let's now take a look at my next door neighbour N. N was married from an orthodox family into a doubly orthodox one. She is 30 and has 2 children already. N lived the first 10 years of her married life very suppressed under her mother-in-laws strict rules and regulations. Suddenly life changed for her and now she lives alone with her husband and kids. She wakes up when she wants, does what she wants, does not do not she doesn't want to and the works. Perfect life as it looks to me!
You would think. N is apparently now under depression and she is one of the many people I know who are. They envy a working woman and wished they had picked up a job in their earlier days. To a working person like me, on blue days, their of chilling looks perfect. But yes if I logically think about it, doing something constructive (may not always be working) is important to keep your mind focused and thinking.
So the next time you like his tie or her green boots, remember that maybe she likes your red skirt or he your white shirt.
Maybe the grass isn't really greener on the other side. Just different ways people think and that's what makes this world so complex

Emotional Rant

I waited long..long enough for you to come. And then you did. You came and life with you was never the same. You came into my life with resistance even annoyance of my loved ones. It was hard for me to take the decision that I wanted to be with you, but once I was, there was no one better I could even think of.
You flew over continents just to spend a life, our life together. Those moments we spent, I almost thought I was falling in love all over again and this time, I wasn't even afraid cause I knew I wanted to be with you.
You had your weak points, you were stubborn- always wanted the aloe vera shampoo, always wanted to eat out of my plate even though the same food lay in your bowl, but I loved you with all of that. I had my weak points too, but I'd succumb. Cause you had become my weakness.
We ate, drank, made merry, you barked at all the cats whereas I took care of the stray's that tried to get you, we watched tv, listened to U2, life was never this perfect
And now you've decided to go. Well you haven't but circumstances have taken this decision for both of us. You know I tried, I really did. I haven't given up hope as yet, maybe someday you will come back.
I know where you're going and I know you will be very happy there. But I won't come and see you. The pain of parting will be bad enough for me to take, I won't be able to, I hope you understand.
Even though I won't be your mom anymore, you will always be my son, my first baby who I took care of, who I felt responsible towards, who I felt like spending time with. I'm sorry for making you go through this transition yet again, I'm sorry for giving you hope and letting you loose. I know you will be happy, but a part of me will always be missing.

25 Random things about me

Ok, so compulsive writer has tagged me to write 25 most random facts about me. Truth is that everything about me random. This should be easy, Lets go

1. I am blind. For those who know me, it's a given. My own mother may pass right in front of my face and I will not be able to see her. People generally confuse this blindness for snobbery, or an "attitude" problem, but that indeed in untrue. So next time if you bump into me on the road, say "hi" ok? Thanks to my blindness, I have lost innumerable potential friends, bumped into oh-so-many (poles, desks and other furniture) and also suffered from multiple minor fractures
2. I get nervous very very easily and whenever I'm nervous I fall down. Hmm, well, yeah I do. It's happened way too many times for me to argue with the above statement. Right from the time I was in school, till date when I have something really important at work, I just have to fall.
3. From the time I can remember I have always loved Shahrukh Khan. I have watched all his movies, fantasized about being his wife, collected postcards and stuck them on notebooks and done all that cheesy stuff. I also have a very soft corner for Sourav Ganguly.
4. I am very lazy. Apparently I take lazy to another level (Kunal, Shakti can vouch for this). I also adore my sleep. I have slept for over 16 hours at a stretch. I can stay up all night but it is very difficult to wake me up in the morning.
5. I love Indianized Chinese food. I could eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. On that note, I also love eating out
6. I feel a sense of pride every single time I hear our national anthem. I am proud to be an Indian and love India in spite of all it's flaws.
7. I love long showers! I spend at least one hour having a bath each day.
8. I don't like bad grammar- anyways, no ways, babez, in da club are not my scene. Also when people call me "poo", I hate it
9. I love the rain. I can look out of my window for hours, dance, sing and get wet when it's raining
10. I am very picky when it comes to men and have a special thing for men who can sing or play the guitar (I don't know why). I love it when a guy touches the feet of elders at a public gathering (weddings for eg). I think it tells a lot about where he comes from. I also have a thing for brains over brawn , although a combination would be ideal :)
11. Apart from laziness I also take hindi to another level.
12. I love traveling and am really glad my job allows me to. I have traveled to quite a few places around India and the world and can live permanently out of my suitcase.
13. I am extremely emotional, I cry at the drop of a hat. I also cry when I'm angry which sux, cause I've already almost lost the battle by then. I cry at movies, after watching emotional tv shows at anything and everything
14. I am a good listener and often give my true opinion when asked. Friends generally come and share their inner most secrets with me and I am pretty good with them
15. My face gives away everything. Hence it becomes really difficult for me to lie. If I don't like you, I could try my best to pretend but you'd know anyway
16. I HATE flowers and stuffed toys. No reason but I do, from the very beginning.
17. I love surprises. Anything from a small wrapped gift to a nice expensive dinner, I love it all! I am also a self confessed shop-o-holic. I love buying anything. I mean I could enter a hardware store and come out with my bags full.
18. When I like someone, I try so hard not to show that I like him, the person almost begins to think I hate him. So if you think I hate you, that actually means I get weak knees when you're around. Which goes to prove, I'm pretty good with creating confusion. For myself and others
19. I love holding onto my past. I have such awesome memories from then, I find extremely it hard to let go of them
20. I've always wanted to win an award. for anything. I have practiced my thank you speech innumerable times in front of the mirror and in the shower using the shampoo bottle for a mic
21. It is very easy to embarrass me.I go red in the face within seconds. I don't want to give you anymore ideas
22. I envy people who can swim, do math or play chess
23. I never interfere in anyone Else's space. To each his own and I respect everyone's right to live the way they want to
24. I am terrified of cats. They scare the hell outta me
25. I hate to LOSE. I am a very very bad loser. I don't believe in second. You either come first or you lose the race.


Compulsive, is this ok? If you read my crap, you need to do this tag

It's the time to disco!

*Statutory Warning*
I am not quite sure where I am headed with this post so may God be with you if you actually decide to read this crap. Amen!
I like Indian weddings. Even though I may have grumbled about them in the past, if the wedding is of a close friend or someone you are very close to it can actually be fun. The latest fad, actually it has been there for a quite a while now for me to term it as "latest", is the sangeet function at a wedding. Ok sangeets are fun! but only if you are involved. For example, if I'm dancing at a cousin's sangeet, the only people interested in watching me would be my parents!
Off late I find sangeets another way through which people like to show their dancing skills off. The purpose of a sangeet is the whole family coming together and doing something for the soon to be newly weds. Aunties, grannies, uncles, little children going on and on and on on a million songs almost puts me to sleep. Choreographers are charing exhorbidant rates to put up these filmy skits and other paraphanalia which I feel somewhere loses the whole purpose of a family sangeet.
Over the years I have been a part of a million sangeets for friends, cousins etc and overall I have had a fun time. I have so many memories attached to each performance, there are so many before and after stories. So what if I suck at dance, am stiff, stage conscious or whatever, Here's to many more "desi girls" :)