Grief and unexpected roles we play

 

Grief has a strange way of turning our expectations upside down. When we imagine loss, we think of ourselves as the supporting cast—the ones offering a shoulder, making tea, sitting in quiet companionship. But sometimes, life pushes us into the center of the stage, making us the main character in a narrative we never asked to lead.

When someone close to us passes away, there’s a script we think will unfold. People will come together, support will flow naturally, and those grieving will find solace in the presence of others. But reality is often messier. In my case, I found myself at the heart of it all—not because I wanted to be, but because the weight of responsibility landed squarely on my shoulders. The people I expected to take charge withdrew from what had happened. And so, I became the one making arrangements, receiving visitors, holding space for others even as my own grief threatened to consume me.

One of the strangest parts of grief is observing how people behave around it. Some offer genuine, unwavering support. They show up, quietly and consistently. Others say the right things but disappear when action is required. Then there are those who react in ways you’d never expect—avoiding eye contact, offering empty platitudes, or even making the moment about themselves.

What I learned in the process is that grief is not just about the person who is gone; it’s also about the people left behind and how they cope, or fail to. It’s about the dynamics that shift in an instant, about relationships that are tested, and about discovering who truly stands beside you when the world feels unbearable.

For anyone who has found themselves thrust into the unexpected role of being the ‘strong one,’ I see you. I know the exhaustion, the frustration, the resentment, and the quiet moments when you wonder if anyone notices how much you are holding together. I also know that grief has a way of reshaping you, not just in pain, but in clarity—showing you who and what truly matters.

As for me, I look at it as a learning curve and somewhere I am glad that I was thrusted upon this duty by the universe to ensure that my dearest uncle receives the best farewell there couldve been.