Life and its unpredictable games

Life is unpredictable. Things happen when you least expect them to happen. And things that you are waiting for eternity sometimes just never happen. And you know what the funniest part about life is? Things that you have longed for, when they finally happen, they don't seem to give you the kind of elated feeling you expected when you were waiting for them.
People are unpredictable. They claim they love you, then they run away from you and when you're done chasing and wondering what when wrong they come back to you. I mean sometimes I really can't seem to catch a break. Why can't people be clear in their head as to what they want or expect from others? Like me, I have clear compartments. Friends, Family, Best Friends, Someone special, potential crush, people I never want to see again etc and even a dislike box and everyone I meet mentally goes into one of these compartments.
People, men especially on the other hand seem to have very blur boundaries. I often find they would like to keep things very vague until you go crazy trying to figure out what you actually mean to them. They might like you but they will be too cowardice to tell you that. If you take the initiative then they will feel that you're coming on too strong and run away. If you question them there's a problem, if you don't then you are a snob. After 35 most of the single men are any way commitment phobic so God forbid you mention the "M" word even by mistake or in another context they will flee to another planet. And of course because they never really told you who you actually are to them you will find out from social media one day how they are actually dating other people because they are "Technically" single . Sigh! I've given up on men really. Not like I've ever chased them or I intend to either. They are just a bunch of confused children who want everything in life but don't really want to work for it or towards it for that matter.
Coming back to life, a friend recently asked me if I was religious? and why I went to the church every Saturday and what I really wished for there? It got me thinking. I guess I am not religious because I believe religion divides people, and that's not something I believe in. I believe in faith. A faith that I have with a power and that relationship between him and me is something so personal it cannot be defined. Some call him Jesus, some Allah, some Ram but I truly believe there is this one power that all us believers really talk to, pray to and hence when we are fighting against each other we are actually fighting for the same thing.
Make sense?

People, Love and other random thoughts...

If you know me you know how much I love talking about love. No, not that pink candyfloss non existent Mills and Boons love but the more practical, realist kind which I truly believe exists even though I don't seem to have found it yet.
I was in Delhi a few days ago and experienced the so called Delhi winters for the first time and really felt ashamed for all those freezing in Mumbai Instagram stories haha! I saw a very different side to Delhi this time and I have to admit I completely fell in love with it. Besides the weather I saw Delhi through the eyes of my friends who have spent their entire lives there and believe me it was a whole other experience compared to the other 1 million times I've visited. Besides it being great for me, I think they had a great time reminiscing their good old days as well which made the whole experience even better right. Isn't it also really so nice when you meet a friend who you can have interesting conversations with? Especially when you have common tastes in so many things. I mean you might already know them but when you actually get to talking to someone one on one I think that is the time you really get to know them. Feels pretty good.
When I came back it was back to the good old days for me as I was playing tour guide to my 20 year old niece who is bag packing all across the world for the next 7 months. Man! At 20 she would've seen half the globe. So proud of her for being able to make this decision and taking this bold step. I did give her one piece of advice though. I've been in the travel business for about 14 years now and although it is great to see this great shift in people who suddenly want to travel and see the world, I told her that she should travel with a purpose. If she is in India today and plans to be in Perth 7 months later she might not even remember her first day in Mumbai. I told her to document her travels, to make her presence on social media, create a brand for herself, use this knowledge that she accumulates to help other foreigners (especially solo female travelers) to plan their trips and if she manages to earn some money with this she can use it to fund her further travels. I take travel very personally and I don't want her to be a part of a fad or rats race that is just traveling to fill pages of their passports or for social media. It is way way beyond that.
Traveling was instilled in us right through childhood starting from family vacations, trips with mom and later solo travel as well and I can proudly say that the things I have learnt through all these years is so precious and incomparable to anything I could've learnt in a textbook.
Kaiwan my best friend turned 40 and his wife my best friend again threw a surprise party for him where we went bowling and go karting with 25 of his friends. Kaiwan is always the wise often strict one among us who often stops Shakti and me from going crazy but while racing on those go karts it was surreal to see the little child in him come alive and I think Shakti couldn't have planned anything better for him on this special day. I don't mean to boast but that's a Virgo woman. We can go to any extent to make the people we love happy on their special day or on any day for that matter. I think that is why it also becomes difficult for people to please us. Our level of attention to detail is actually quite difficult to match
Coming to sun signs I get along best with Cancerians. The crabs! Pretend to be these aloof, cold hearted, content with themselves individuals but are such goofy, soft and loyal people. Most of my best friends are cancerians and they all have the same traits. I've never really dated a Cancerian man though, as far as I can remember. I am pretty sure I haven't cause if he was my crab I would never let him go :)
Everyone craves a connection. Of any kind. The world is a lonely place and the more I meet people I realize how empty life can get for people sometimes. I want to say so much more but I must get to calling it a day and book my uber home on a x100 times surge. Can't wait for 5km to become super easy for me so I can just start walking home. Soon enough!
Write soon...

So much has happened!

It's 2020! What the hell. 2020 used to be the year I never imagined would come. The year the world would end. The year that seemed so so far away.
Well, nothing like that happened and here I am writing my first blog post after 3 years. Lots has happened in the past 3 years. More than anything, I've grown up. Experiences in life can teach you a lot.
Well over the last 3 years I lost my grandmother who I was extremely close to. I faced 2 huge health scares one related to my mother and the other to my father. I moved on from things I was holding on to which were of no significance to me anymore and more than anything else I moved on from saying yes to things I actually wanted to say no to.
I often find myself like a fish out of water in this complicated world. Like I don't fit in. It is manipulative, competitive and we are constantly using every ounce of our energy to run after things which I'm not sure we even want.
I crawled through my first 10k few weeks ago. I've never been into running. Ever! If you know me you would know that forget running, I wouldn't even walk unless I really had to. I have to be super honest with you. I signed up for this 10k somewhere around mid 2019 and then forgot all about it..

On November 1st 2019 for many reasons that I do not really want to get in to but for no fault of mine I was described by someone who I once held dear with the choicest of adjectives which I never imagined to be used to describe me. Except for one word that was indeed true among all the lies. "Unfit".  That hit me so hard that I signed up with my nutritionist, got a personal trainer and got things going for me in the right direction. However, there was always this heavy weight on my chest and I could not get all those words out of my mind for I knew that I was not any of those things that were used to describe me. There were times I wanted to scream my side of the story and tell everyone the real truth but I decided against it. Those who have to stick with me will. Those who don't aren't worth the convincing anyway.

During these days I also ended up having a lot more free time with the year ending, Christmas holidays etc. So, I decided to give running a shot. Initially, I struggled to even walk. My feet used to burn in like 15 minutes and I thought I would die from all the pain. But slowly I started picking up the rhythm, I started feeling that it was like the therapy I needed. My very close friends started encouraging me, Hell they even signed up for a 10k just so that they could walk besides me to support me. And this is inspite of going through surgeries and cancelling attending weddings. Close friends that were running triple the distance I was constantly motivated and believed in me more than I believed in myself
That's when I realized I had to do this. For them but also most importantly for me. Not to show the person who described me using those negative adjectives or who compared me to someone new like I was an old car ready to be junked but for me to show myself that I was capable of what seemed the impossible in my life
And I did...

Back

Can't believe I am writing again. I doubt any of you still read my blog but thank you to all those who did until I wrote last. So life's been ok. I read my previous posts and they serve as such wonderful memories (good and bad) of my past and hence I've decided to continue documenting my life so that I'll have something interesting to read in my old age.
So life since I left this place last? Well, It's been interesting, a mixed bag of emotions, stress, achievements, travel..typical I guess. We lost my nani earlier this year which has been really hard on me since she lived with us for 10 whole years. Its insane how close we were but I'm going to reserve a whole blogpost for nani later.
I'm going to be 33 in a couple of months and the thought of it is freaking me out. Yes I know age is just a number and blah blah but I am amazed at the pace at which life is moving. It feels just like yesterday I was a carefree girl living in the moment, doing exactly what I pleased and suddenly I have responsibilities, things to think about, savings to make, a future to decide, people who I need to decide my future with.
During this time I have also developed new friendships. Some old friendships that have gotten sour. Some old friendships that have gotten stronger. Some old friendships that went through rough phases and emerged stronger and some new friendships that I hope to continue forever.
Personal travel has taken a backseat because as I mentioned earlier I am more conscious and have other responsibilities, but I plan to change this because traveling is my passion and all I need to do is plan better.
You know what's weird though? Life and incidents in it have made me insecure as person which I never was. I don't know if it is the unsure future, the lack of trust in individuals or the fact that its been so long that I've been independent I've forgotten what it is to trust other people and their decisions?
The worst feeling in the world is to be cheated upon. This doesn't only apply onto relationships it can be in any sphere of life. I think that is something that would break me and it would be really hard for be to bounce back. I appreciate people who tell me the truth on my face. It hurts but trust me I much prefer it cause at least its honest. Lies are the biggest form of betrayal that anyone can face and I try my level best to avoid lying to people.
Anyway, this was just another welcome back me, or a Hi! I'm alive post. More, hopefully optimistic stuff to be up soon
Say hello if you're still going to be reading and that will motivate me to continue writing

Until then!

Are you a believer?

Today while walking on the Carter Road promenade listening to my favourite U2 I came across some graffiti. Amidst all the mess the local boy clubs were trying to make with the spray paint I came across something written in bold black letters "It's all written" I can't help but think if we really have a purpose in this world or are we playing a role that someone somewhere has already written for us.
It explains a lot doesn't it? Destiny is quite a convenient option or an easy answer  to solving a problem. Can't get something done? Blame it on destiny. Better still come up with the whole "ultimately it's destined but you have the power to alter your destiny" Really? I don't know if it's the cynic in me typing but I don't think we are destined to do anything. I'm not sure if my role in this life is already written by someone else and if I'm only playing the part I'm supposed to be playing. I don't think people walk in or out of my life because they are destined to. I'm sure I have at least a little to do with it. Or maybe I haven't understood the concept of destiny correctly and hence I'm so cynical about it.
I guess all I'm trying to say is let's take onus of our actions, learn from our mistakes,try to rectify messed
up situations and stop waiting for "something" to happen cause trust me, nothing will and all you'll do is sigh and say "what can I do? It was not in my destiny"!
Ps: written on my phone in a moving vehicle. Excuse the grammatical errors

Walk away

I wrote this some time back...still feel the same so thought I'll post it

I am very weird when it comes to relationships. Whether they involve family, friends or someone special, I've always been awkward when it comes to sharing what I really think. Maybe its the introvert in me but out of what I've read about introverts they don't generally share their feelings. Me? I take it to another level and show people who I care about the most that I really don't care about them
Complicated you may say? Of course! It drives me nuts! I cannot under any circumstance tell anyone if I think of them fondly or what they mean to me.In fact I am so awkward I do the strangest things to drive people away. And then I moan and moan and moan.
Why can't I keep things simple and straightforward? Is it that I'm scared of people disliking me? Am I insecure of losing people who I consider close to me? Or am I so scared of hurting my feelings that I feel the need to put on a I don't care exterior to protect myself?
I need to figure this out...

I'm Alive!

It's a good thing writing a blog like mine, which nobody reads. No one really misses you when you are away for that long.. Other than my darling Z who religiously reads and urges me to write more often. Also, PP! I'm back for you too..
Anyway, so it's been more than a year I think since I wrote last and very surprisingly not much has changed. I've changed jobs which keeps me busy but other than that I didn't write earlier cause I had nothing major to share or write about. I still don't to be honest.
Life has been pretty much the routine, contrary to the very false belief that people have about me having some high flying traveling job, which I don't get. I mean if I check-in to Trivandrum airport or Nagpur airport on facebook and people go "oooh so lucky" I judge them. Haha! Seriously? If going to Trivandrum is the sole purpose of your life, buy a ticket and go there! I once even got the "oh I love your job cause you visit different hotel beds daily" Little do they know that thanks to my really bad back owing to all these hotel beds, I've had nights where I've had to sleep on the hard wooden floor of these fancy hotels!
Obviously you see the good stuff on Facebook, you see people going on holidays, honeymoons, check-in to the best hotels, theme parks wherever! But you can't judge or be jealous of their life only thanks to where they check-in on facebook or through their pictures! What do you know whats going on beyond? No one
(at least I hope not many people I know) will check in to the Family court saying- "Just got divorced" or put up a picture of themselves crying after a bad break up! So stop judging and start living. Stop caring about how someone got somewhere and put in effort to get somewhere yourself. If you want to travel, work, save money, buy a ticket and get there. You want a bikini body, stop eating and start working out. It's as simple as that.
Envy is not the answer to your problems. Hardwork is!