Respecting Opinions

 I am so proud of myself for making it to like 3 posts in a month. Looks like time off social media has indeed given me some more time to gather my thoughts and scribble here. Although its a relief that I have to type and you don't get to see my handwriting. My handwriting is like that of a 10 year old child. 

Do you at times feel that our decision making powers over the years have become more complicated due to the ample amount of choices available? Wasn't life simpler when a student just had to choose between Arts, Commerce or Science? More choices, mean more confusion, more debate and more debate is equal to what I get at...just NOISE.

Around me I find opinions. So many opinions. I mean you can sneeze and you will have 100 opinions from various people. Some based on experience, some based on education, some based on whatsapp but everybody has something to say. So with so much content around you, do you like me sometimes feel uneasy processing that much information or are you comfortable filtering out exactly the information you require? If you belong to the latter I am jealous of you :)

These days I feel burdened with information. I also feel burdened with opinions I haven't really asked for. Hence cutting out of social media had become essential for me. Don't get me wrong, having an opinion is not a bad thing, its just that sometimes I feel is it always necessary to 

a) State your opinion when not asked

b) Force your opinion down someone else's throat.

I have been noticing the latter a lot lately. Everyone has a strong opinion but no one seems to be able to respect another opinion that doesn't match them. I find that ridiculous. If you have the courage to be vocal about something you believe in then you must also have the courage to listen to somebody who believes with as much passion in something that you may not agree in. Often, I choose to clue out of debates or discussions because I find them pointless. They often turn ugly, mostly personal and sour relationships which I hate. Because of this I am often called a fence sitter and to be honest I am ok with it. I mean its my life and my opinion. I will give it only when I feel it is necessary and to who I feel is actually listening.

Screaming out loud on social media solves no purpose. Be a do-er. If you have a problem with something then work towards changing it. Only then your opinion matters. Otherwise, its just noise or in other words "Reposts"

T for Tinder

I have been a part of the online world for a long long time now. When it comes to online connections I've had my share of ICQ accounts, MSN messengers and names that I cant even remember. I have also been an early member into social networks, networking sites going back to when Twitter was alien or when Friendster (you may be too young to know) existed. Now that I think back, maybe I've been around so long and seen such good times in this virtual world that this toxic change has begun to disgust me.

So anyway before I start I must say that the experiences I describe below are not solely mine but a mix of stuff that has happened to me, friends and through acquaintances. It is a random generalization of things just for fun, just for you to read and smile in these dark times, so please do not take everything written below too seriously. However, if you do identify yourself as any of the below, then maybe you should :)

So, coming back to the topic, this was sometime in mid May 2019, I was 35 and single and obviously oblivious to the online dating game as I had been away from social media barring my Facebook or Instagram accounts. A lot of my friends recommended I get on dating apps and God what a terrible mistake that was. At that time I remember creating an account on then popular Tinder. I was at dinner at a married couples house and randomly swiping left and right (almost always left) on the dinner table. To my dismay my friends husband, the very house I was eating dinner at was on my phones screen. I was devastated and felt my stomach churning and literally didn't know what to do. Obviously I deleted my account instantly and swore off these apps.

During "The Pandemic". I faced a lot of flak from my close friends and family about how I was not putting myself "out there" (I have absolutely no clue what that ever means but whatever) and how I will never meet someone if I don't reach out blah blah blah. So to save my conscience and for never wanting to blame myself for not trying enough, I created 2 accounts. One on a matrimonial site (this didn't last long at all because I didn't know how to use that horrible interface, the spam it caused in my inbox and overall regressive attitude of having to connect with a boy's parents rather than himself (like dude you're at least 40, may want to grow up now), having random women including siblings and parents calling me continuously and chasing me around and the heights being when a friend called me on behalf of someone and I said no, he started asking about himself!!  I mean it just didn't work) and the second a profile on a dating app.

Now I have to admit that I didn't really meet anyone through the app thanks to the pandemic but thanks to the little swiping I did, the minimum conversations I had and the endless conversations I have had with my girlfriends on this topic I can safely categorize men on dating apps in the below categories

The He-Man-  I was contemplating giving a He-Man reference because who knows if you millennials even know who He-Man is. Anyway, so this is the category of those gym going, protein shake drinking, ab showing men who are at least according to their pictures or profiles only working out, cause there's no way in hell you can achieve that body by going to work (ha ha). I can imagine meeting He-Man at Lokhandwala Barista where is aspiring to be a Bollywood actor. He is crazy about his appearance as he is of his partners. Conversations mostly begin with "did you go to the gym"? or "I ran 10kms today" and pretty much end there as well. Not really sure what they are looking for on an app, meeting models like them I suppose. 

The Mummy's Boy-  Aww, he's the cutie. The chocolate boy with more often than not a picture of himself hugging his mother. Why on a dating app, who knows. So he's like the good boy who never makes the first move, has good manners not to ask you for your phone number the instant you swipe right and definitely respects you when you tell him you are not ready to meet him. He is mostly cute and loves spending time with his dog and going on treks or loves reading. However, he gets rather monotonous. Conversations with him often never continue after how are you?. But overall a decent variety, not the kind you detest, probably just unmatch in a week. Lets move on. 

The Bot-  One of the worst kind of profiles you could never interact with. Bots are often really good looking borderline hot. So initially your thought process could be like "he's out of my league". But then you begin chatting with The Bot. He seems to be exactly what you are looking for not only on apps but in the entire galaxy. He has most often than not scrutinized your profile and literally gives the answers to your questions like no one ever does. He seems like your perfect dream, your knight in shining armor, the reason why it never worked out with anyone else and then boom..one day, just like that, without a reason, he ghosts you. And for days you'll wonder what went wrong. For days you'll read and re read those texts, those messages analyzing, over analyzing, overthinking every word and you'll have no answer. Then you'll just convince yourself that you were probably talking to a computer, after all when did men get to be that perfect, right?

The "No Strings Attached Guy" - Love this variety. Has honesty written all over it. Almost always the most judged but in hindsight according to me at least they do not mislead anyone. Usually has their martial status (mostly married) written in CAPS, along with things like JUST HERE FOR FUN, CASUAL STUFF ONLY, MY WIFE KNOWS followed by a DONT JUDGE or some random stuff like that. Quite amusing to read most times and I mean at least you get what you want, if that is indeed what you want. (not judging :)).

The Misleaders  - Another, horrible horrible category. From the face of the profile he will seem just like the bot variety. Good looking, decent almost always well educated and more often than not his work place will be close to yours. You look forward to catching up with him sometime. Speaks well, speaks limited and mostly speaks sense all with a sense of humour. You sometimes end up on phone calls, make plans to meet and no unlike the bot he doesn't ghost you. What he does is worse. He either meets you over a romantic date and tells you how he is married but its all "chill". He either has endless hours of phone calls with you long enough to know your grandmothers name to then tell you that he is in a committed relationship but "unhappy" or meets you multiple times and takes you on the best dates after which when you give the slightest sign of wanting a relationship tells you he is indeed "commitment phobic". Always a catch sister, always a catch! 

Mr Polyamorous aka Mr "I have needs" After hearing things about apps and my own experiences I am so happy when I see an honest profile even though it may not match what I am looking for. Mr Polyamorous is usually quite transparent in his profile so you can choose to swipe left or right depending what you are looking for . He has needs and he has no qualms mentioning it on his dating profile :)

The I was born to be friend zoned After all in the words of my love Sharukh Khan, "pyaar dosti hai" right? :) By the way online friendships do exist. I have been in one for 13 years and counting. 

The Quintessential Liar The trust of the innocent is a liars biggest tool. And man do they know how to use this tool. Disgusting category. Everything is a lie. Sometimes even their profile pictures. Hope you never come across one of their kind. 

Married & Browsing Probably got married because it was the "right" age to do so. Now according to their profiles they are "casually browsing", "here to make friends", "my wife knows I am here" and mostly each profile will end with a "don't judge". Well, I will, so delete your profile and work on your marriage or divorce your wife if you don't want me to. 

Mr Suspicious  He should have a detective show of his own or sometimes he could also be like an undercover agent. He is so suspicious of everything you tell him until you are literally exhausted giving explanations for every little thing you say. He will second guess you till you reach your wits end. Sometimes I don't blame him. Maybe he has come across the female version of Mr Quintessential Liar. 

Divorced & Scarred  Men often call women emotional fools and full of baggage but if you really want to understand the true meaning of emotional baggage you need to interact with someone from this category. This category probably got married when they weren't actually ready and obviously got divorced sooner or later. While he should probably be spending time with himself, here he is physically on apps but mentally scarred with his marriage experience. He is obviously not at all ready and tends to dump all his emotional baggage on you and poor you with traumas of your own will suddenly find yourself being a counselor to a fully grown baby. No thank you! 

The Chipku  This variety I have personally experienced. Mostly harmless but just do not seem to get the message. You don't want to block them or ghost them because they are really nice and sweet and you wouldn't want them to go through the pain of the unknown that you've gone through so on most occasions you just choose to be nice to them. But they can be quite a pain in the butt. The Good Mornings, the good evenings ugh they can poke you till your last nerve and God knows that I have patience. They are also almost always ready to marry you without meeting you. Are virtual weddings all that's left now?

Stoned with ADHD  They are listening to you. Or are they? Almost everyday you are telling them what you do or where you are from. Somedays interested somedays disinterested. Somedays invested others strangers. You just convince yourself they are on something, cause this cannot possibly be real. Sometimes they are just stoned also, like..for real but hey don't judge. 

There is also the commitment phobic but we've seen MANY of those in real life to discuss...

Having said that, this is just meant to be taken very lightly. I am sure there are multiple amazing men and women out there on apps just waiting to find each other and who fit into none of these random generalizations. I am just hoping the one I am looking for is not looking for me virtually cause I have literally deleted every trace of me out there and intend to keep it that way for now :)

How Am I Doing?

 Quick write up between 2 calls. We have a catch up today with a team in our head office to ask us how we are really doing? Honestly, if I have to describe that right now, I think I am just umm drifting.

Going with the flow. Everything is unstable and unpredictable around me. This second wave has hit us hard and hit me close. Earlier, we had heard about people who have COVID, now we actually know people who are losing their life due to COVID. I am trying my best in my tiny capacity to help out where I can. I mean I know that won't be enough but as they say every tiny drop counts.

The politics and level of corruption in this country have begun to disgust me and tempt me to leave it. I inch closer and closer to applying for citizenship to other countries each day. Do I want to bring up children in this environment? Definitely not. No one deserves to fight for oxygen! No one. 

Coming back to my social media detox, its going surprisingly well actually. I hardly miss logging in or stalking people (ha ha). It had become so toxic, so terrible and so judgmental that I knew it was time to take a break. By the way you know what the most toxic virtual experience is? Dating apps! Can't wait to write about my experiences on these apps soon but I must go now...

Until later...in the words of my alter ego Dory...Just keep swimming! 

 

Social Media Detox

 Just deleted my social media accounts for the 500th time. Lately social media has been nothing other than sharing disappointing, vicious, malicious, unverified news truth of which nobody really knows and I felt it was getting too toxic for my liking.

I also feel that I need to learn how to bake a cake without posting about it, plant a vegetable seed without talking about it or wish a friend personally without announcing to the world

Lets see if and when I decide to go back. Keep you posted...

PS: This hopefully means more productivity and maybe more writing? Well lets see...

COVID 19

 I almost forgot I wrote a blog and of course forgot the password right before logging in today. Well before I write about what's happening with me as of now lets go back to March 2020 when all of this began.

March 2020

I was pretty much living my regular life, had my tickets booked to Sydney for the 25th of March leading a delegation of 30 odd people, booked my tickets to Leh, figuring out new places to eat at in the city (Bombay), had friends over for Holi and I was busy rekindling some, actually one broken friendship (so to say). I heard about the corona virus hitting China but I wasn't really bothered about it. I was doing a lot long drives out of Bombay those days and one day on March 20th if I am not wrong when we were driving back from Daman is when the news of the virus hitting home really sort of struck me. As I came home that night and the Prime Minister announced the lockdown, I literally had no idea what happened. I mean to be very honest I actually had to google the meaning of a pandemic! Besides that of course there was that shock of no maid and for the first time in 35 years it meant I had to do house work. Right in the beginning it was fun. Like cardio but entertaining. I did everything, things I had never anticipated I had to do and honestly I was happy. It was a challenge managing work from home with the chores and because I used to miss eating out so much I was also doing so much cooking over the weekends but it was fun because I was learning. New things, things I had not done before and things I was keen on learning. 

I also literally became so responsible overnight. Thanks to things going completely online (blessed to live in a city like Bombay that adapts so well each time there is a problem) I had to take over all the responsibilities in the house. From banking to groceries, from sanitizing to doctors besides of course all the work load and workouts I was heavily involved in it. There were also those virtual calls with my friends, my family, my work mates, my neighbours everyone and anyone you can think of, shooting one million virtual birthday videos and you know the best part, I didn't feel like complaining. 

At this point I would also like to thank my virtual cooking club (where 3 of us got together every weekend challenging ourselves to cook/bake/innovate something new). Although the vessels later were a nightmare those cooking sessions were so therapeutic 

September 2020

And then came my birthday. All India complete lockdown. If you know me, you know how special birthdays are to me and how deeply I care about them Not only mine but others too. It may sound so surprising but my lockdown birthday was one of the best birthdays of my entire life. My friends really went out of the way to make my day extra special and I felt so appreciated because they understood how difficult it had been for me to go from baby of the house to boss of the house in just a couple of months. I mean I literally do not know anyone who forgot to wish me, I had 9 cakes for crying out loud and I didn't even buy a single one of them :). I had virtual cocktail parties, I had birthday movies that included my family, friends and colleagues from all over the world, I had 2 simultaneous birthday gift countdowns with literally every gift that I could have possibly imagined, I had my favourite balloons sent to me, people coming all the way just to visit me from my window and also friends that cooked massive meals at home and delivered it to me so that I wouldn't have to lift a finger that day. If you were any of the above people and are reading this I am so grateful for having you in my life and please know that I love you so much. 

December 2020

We started reaching the end of the year. Work started getting worse. Borders weren't going to open. Our working days were reduced. Friends started to lose jobs, however cases also comparatively started to reduce so we still had hope in our hearts. This stage was slightly difficult for me because people started stepping out. The world was in Goa but I wasn't. Friends were meeting but I didn't. Living with my parents I just wanted to avoid them ever facing the repercussions of my carelessness. I wouldn't be able to forgive my self if that happened and honestly one dinner didn't seem worth it at all.

Feb 2021

Welcomed the new year with so much hope but obviously corona was going no where. By now I had reached my wits end and was longing to travel. Managed to gather some guts and spend a week in Delhi. Now imagine what a culture shock it was for me from straight being at home for a year to reach the airport. Obviously spent most of my time at home in Delhi too but it was refreshing, just getting some sun, one dinner, few walks, meeting a friend, came back refreshed but straight into a week of quarantine and a test later did I meet my parents. Spending that week in quarantine was so challenging and depressing again that whole week in Delhi didn't feel worth this torture.

April 2021

Just when I started feeling a little confident about at least reaching the salon, the second wave of the pandemic has hit us and it is bad. Covid is too close to home. We have lost closed ones and are in complete lockdown once again. But this time I just can't take it. Work has gone from  bad to worse because India is so high on covid numbers. People seem to be taking it too lightly not realizing that even though they might survive this pandemic but others might not thanks to them. It is difficult to push yourself daily, motivate yourself  and continue to challenge yourself amongst this monotonous routine. It saddens me to see this circus that has been made of India thanks to its politicians, religion, media and social media. Fake news, drama, lies, venom spewing everyday on the idiot box can really be frustrating.

But I guess at the end of the day all we can survive on is hope. I choose to tune myself out of people and social media that can get so toxic. I choose not to judge my relationships with anyone during this pandemic as everyone is fighting a battle of their own. I choose not to think of anyone's problems less important than mine. I choose to believe that a better tomorrow is out there and I choose to wait for it patiently. I choose to thank God for my life, respect things better than I used to, thank him for our relentless Covid workers without whom none of us would've survived this lockdown.

After all other than compassion, what else do we have to give any way....Damn, I grew up this last year!

PS: That friendship I was trying to rekindle in March 2020, I chose to give up on and that was one of the best decisions I could've ever made for myself.

Life and its unpredictable games

Life is unpredictable. Things happen when you least expect them to happen. And things that you are waiting for eternity sometimes just never happen. And you know what the funniest part about life is? Things that you have longed for, when they finally happen, they don't seem to give you the kind of elated feeling you expected when you were waiting for them.
People are unpredictable. They claim they love you, then they run away from you and when you're done chasing and wondering what when wrong they come back to you. I mean sometimes I really can't seem to catch a break. Why can't people be clear in their head as to what they want or expect from others? Like me, I have clear compartments. Friends, Family, Best Friends, Someone special, potential crush, people I never want to see again etc and even a dislike box and everyone I meet mentally goes into one of these compartments.
People, men especially on the other hand seem to have very blur boundaries. I often find they would like to keep things very vague until you go crazy trying to figure out what you actually mean to them. They might like you but they will be too cowardice to tell you that. If you take the initiative then they will feel that you're coming on too strong and run away. If you question them there's a problem, if you don't then you are a snob. After 35 most of the single men are any way commitment phobic so God forbid you mention the "M" word even by mistake or in another context they will flee to another planet. And of course because they never really told you who you actually are to them you will find out from social media one day how they are actually dating other people because they are "Technically" single . Sigh! I've given up on men really. Not like I've ever chased them or I intend to either. They are just a bunch of confused children who want everything in life but don't really want to work for it or towards it for that matter.
Coming back to life, a friend recently asked me if I was religious? and why I went to the church every Saturday and what I really wished for there? It got me thinking. I guess I am not religious because I believe religion divides people, and that's not something I believe in. I believe in faith. A faith that I have with a power and that relationship between him and me is something so personal it cannot be defined. Some call him Jesus, some Allah, some Ram but I truly believe there is this one power that all us believers really talk to, pray to and hence when we are fighting against each other we are actually fighting for the same thing.
Make sense?

People, Love and other random thoughts...

If you know me you know how much I love talking about love. No, not that pink candyfloss non existent Mills and Boons love but the more practical, realist kind which I truly believe exists even though I don't seem to have found it yet.
I was in Delhi a few days ago and experienced the so called Delhi winters for the first time and really felt ashamed for all those freezing in Mumbai Instagram stories haha! I saw a very different side to Delhi this time and I have to admit I completely fell in love with it. Besides the weather I saw Delhi through the eyes of my friends who have spent their entire lives there and believe me it was a whole other experience compared to the other 1 million times I've visited. Besides it being great for me, I think they had a great time reminiscing their good old days as well which made the whole experience even better right. Isn't it also really so nice when you meet a friend who you can have interesting conversations with? Especially when you have common tastes in so many things. I mean you might already know them but when you actually get to talking to someone one on one I think that is the time you really get to know them. Feels pretty good.
When I came back it was back to the good old days for me as I was playing tour guide to my 20 year old niece who is bag packing all across the world for the next 7 months. Man! At 20 she would've seen half the globe. So proud of her for being able to make this decision and taking this bold step. I did give her one piece of advice though. I've been in the travel business for about 14 years now and although it is great to see this great shift in people who suddenly want to travel and see the world, I told her that she should travel with a purpose. If she is in India today and plans to be in Perth 7 months later she might not even remember her first day in Mumbai. I told her to document her travels, to make her presence on social media, create a brand for herself, use this knowledge that she accumulates to help other foreigners (especially solo female travelers) to plan their trips and if she manages to earn some money with this she can use it to fund her further travels. I take travel very personally and I don't want her to be a part of a fad or rats race that is just traveling to fill pages of their passports or for social media. It is way way beyond that.
Traveling was instilled in us right through childhood starting from family vacations, trips with mom and later solo travel as well and I can proudly say that the things I have learnt through all these years is so precious and incomparable to anything I could've learnt in a textbook.
Kaiwan my best friend turned 40 and his wife my best friend again threw a surprise party for him where we went bowling and go karting with 25 of his friends. Kaiwan is always the wise often strict one among us who often stops Shakti and me from going crazy but while racing on those go karts it was surreal to see the little child in him come alive and I think Shakti couldn't have planned anything better for him on this special day. I don't mean to boast but that's a Virgo woman. We can go to any extent to make the people we love happy on their special day or on any day for that matter. I think that is why it also becomes difficult for people to please us. Our level of attention to detail is actually quite difficult to match
Coming to sun signs I get along best with Cancerians. The crabs! Pretend to be these aloof, cold hearted, content with themselves individuals but are such goofy, soft and loyal people. Most of my best friends are cancerians and they all have the same traits. I've never really dated a Cancerian man though, as far as I can remember. I am pretty sure I haven't cause if he was my crab I would never let him go :)
Everyone craves a connection. Of any kind. The world is a lonely place and the more I meet people I realize how empty life can get for people sometimes. I want to say so much more but I must get to calling it a day and book my uber home on a x100 times surge. Can't wait for 5km to become super easy for me so I can just start walking home. Soon enough!
Write soon...