Its Complicated

I remember sitting on a nearly broken bench with W and talking about life 10 years ago. That's where we solved our problems. Sitting on a piece of wood, talking about a few people who weren't nice to us (in a very minuscule way), about how our hair isn't getting any longer or why X drives a swanky car where all we use are auto-rickshaws.
Although at that point in time we thought those problems were probably the biggest problems anyone faces in the universe today when we look back sitting on that same bench, all we wish for is for those micro mini problems to come back cause now we realize what problems actually mean.
Life changes..as you grow older, although you earn more than that pocket money your mum gave you and you do have the power to be much more independent that you probably were, the problems seem to increase as fast as your age.
There used to be a little person inside me, a voice that used to drive me to achieve, a sense of competition, a determination to win that has suddenly fallen asleep. These pressures, almost complacent need to prove oneself, culture, attitude of society towards certain issues, corporate life has completely lessened my urge to wanting to do anything. I wouldn't want to participate in a competition because it is probably rigged. I can't fill a corporate tender cause I know the competition has already laid hands on the client and the tender is just another eye-wash procedure.
I need to wake up. Need to get myself and my life back on track. Gather the courage to figure out what I really want to do and then actually end up doing it. I need to learn how to fight back, More importantly, speak up when the need arises and most importantly communicate! The need to show how I really feel has begun to arise.
2011 so far has been crap. For me as well as people really close to me. Hope it gets better with time. Amen!

Dear Husband to be

These days I am facing a lot of flak and pressure all thanks to you. Mother, Grand-mothers, Aunties, Cousins, Friends all seem to use their full energy in trying to look for you. Me? Well, trust me when I say I'm in no hurry to find you and you can take all the time in the world to find me. Also, even if you do end up finding me, let me tell you about certain things about me which may want you to rethink your decision. I've done my 2 cents in warning you, can't blame me later!

• Not being unreasonable here nor am I trying to be flaky but I hope you are at least average in the looks department. Sigh! having said that if looks is the only department you fail in, I'll compromise but the least you can do is be tall. At least I don't have to throw away my high heels then 
•  
• I spend more than I earn, so I hope you make enough for both of us
•  
• I'd appreciate if you punch someone in the face for acting smart with me as against running away from the scene although I may pretend I love non violence. And pleaseeee, I cry enough for the whole nation so avoid tears until really really necessary
• 
  
•  
• Even though opposites generally attract I hope we share at least few similar interests (Travel, music,books, writing,guitars,beers,Shahrukh,Ganguly,Torres,Sampras, etc)
•  
• I hate flowers,stuffed toys cats, loud people, fast cars,bad manners and liars.Avoid these gifts,keep these topics off conversation and such behaviour at bay.
•  
• Being Kashmiri is not equal to being Punjabi. Get the difference!
•  
• Expecting me to turn vegetarian would kind of be equivalent to asking me to wear a "I love Delhi" t-shirt. Err, impossible.
•  
• Just fyi, I may come across like a really modern person who is cool with almost anything you do, I won't be. I will get pretty possessive and orthodox when it comes to you
•  
• I like surprises. Be nice sometimes. It will help. Really. I am quite the emotional fool
•  
• Vacations are as important as working. I hope they will also be on your list of priorites
•  
• Rima will always be my first husband <3. (Sponsored bullet)
•  
• I've already named the kids since I was 16. Saves you some work and also accquaints you with my Virgo advance and meticulous planning syndrome
• 
  
• I am clumsy, so get all your prized possessions insured. Also blind, so don't take it personally if we meet accidentally and I fail to recognize you. In all probability I haven't seen you only

• Your dowry will only include Indu bai. She also serves as a loud speaker whenever required and will quite literally hunt you down and kick your ass if you bother me
• 
  
• I will not share my Jet Privilege miles with you :P.I have tolerated a lot too many turbulent flights, naughty children,slimy men and irritating aunties to earn these free tickets and by the way, you know the movies where you always find a hot man/woman come sit next to you on the plane. Just a myth!!
• 
  
• I have lots more to add but pressed for time right now. Maybe I'll continue this post on a day when work is lighter

 Barring the above, I think we should pretty much be alright otherwise. Oh yeah! Brush up your cooking skills. I could use some tips! oooh sorry if I'm being slightly demanding but I hope you can sing or play the guitar!

Best Regards
Me! 

PS: Please don't judge me on basis of this post nosey aunties. Its all in light humour!

Good to be Bad!

All my life I've played safe. Been the good girl in school. Created a great impression in college. The obedient daughter, the best friend. The hardworker, a good co-worker, a submissive employee who can almost pass of as a pushover.
While all this time was spent well in pleasing others I am now, very tempted to do things that please me. I think I want to try and be bad. Try the forbidden, not shy away from the unusual, do the unexpected, live my life like a nomad.
Here's wishing all of you a great 2011!
Will keep you posted on how far I succeed on my plan! Suffering the writers block these days. So much to share but just don't feel like it

Be back soon!

Being 26 amongst other things

It's 4:00am on a Sunday morning as I scribble this post on the last page of my cookbook. Yes, for the unaware I do maintain a cookbook with some of the recipes I have tried and tested in the past for almost 5 odd years now. My Saturday was chaotic. Work until 2, home, evening walk followed by a very very long nap which got me really late for dinner with friends. While I panted through the pressure to make it in time my dear Bombcity's traffic God's took over and I have had to return to an empty home with a hungry stomach.
In other news, I turned 26 last month. Yep 2 6! Slowly but surely inching towards the big 3 0! Although she didn't show it I'm pretty sure my grandmum suffered a mini cardiac arrest on the day. She was a mother at 26! My day was very special and few people made sure I felt every bit younger and ensured that my day was super fun. If you ask me, personally I have changed a lot over the last year. More thankful, less selfish, more understanding but still judgmental :) (working on it). The plan through this year will be to emote. Let the other know how I feel. No locking emotions into tiny boxes with the tightest locks and throwing them into the deep blue ocean.  So yeah, since change is the only constant in life, I welcome the 27th year of my existence in this topsy turvy world wholeheartedly! Bring it on!
Just to rewind a little bit, life took me Toronto again in 2 months.Only this time it was work. I attended the Toronto Film Festival and got an oppurtunity to see some fanatastic movies including Kiran Rao's Dhobhi Ghat and also attend an Q & A with Aamir and the team. Although it had been only 2months. I saw a whole new Toronto from the last time. I rode a segway for the first time, a chance you should never miss, learnt about Canadian Ice Wines and also visited the Niagara Falls amidst all the hard work I did whilst there.






Once I got back, work took me to Pune to celebrate expat week at the Maratha Chamber of Commerce to give a presentation in front of 200 people (my largest audience so far). I chose to take the train to Pune as I had not traveled in one since 1998 and it was fantastic. So quick,comfortable and a great journey both ways. Must do it again really soon. Presentation went off really well, or so I would like to believe. I am generally never afraid of presentations as I am almost sure in most cases that I know my subject better than my audience. However, in this crowd of 200, I was almost sure that 199 people knew my subject more than me. Luckily nobody asked me stuff I didn't know. Although I lost out on meeting a lot of potential hotties around as the stupid emcee called me "Mrs" while annoucing my name to come up and speak.
I have to end this post before it gets anymore boring, I leave you like every year with pictures of my cakes from this year.
Thank you all for your wishes and for reading my crap for so many years!

Omg before I forget on my birthday the little children who live in my building (aged 2-5 years) who I adore and hang out with regularly arranged a surprise for me at home and made me feel every bit younger! They can't read yet but if they could, I can't even begin to describe how special it made me feel. I was sobbing so much, they kinda got worried not realizing that those were happy tears :) (Emotional fool I know!).

Some pictures from various birthday celebrations! 

I will survive

Life's been tough post vacation. God has his way of balancing it out for you I suppose. So exactly one year after my ICU saga I fall sick again..and the timing couldn't have been better. Just the time I was submerged in work.
Things are better now, health wise but work pressure is building up. Stress, deadlines and goals to achieve in limited time.
This is the major problem I face. If a herculean responsibility is entrusted upon me, I am sure I can deliver even if it means working 24 hours in the day. The issue arises when your subordinates, colleagues or seniors will not or do not deliver with the same speed and efficiency which eventually will effect your own performance and that's something I cannot bear.
The competitive, winning streak in me which I had tried to suppress for a while now is back and with a vengeance. I am trying to achieve the impossible, venture into a zone I have stayed away from before. Well  if this doesn't work out the way it should, which in most likelihood it won't, I'm not sure how I will be able to deal with this failure. I've put in too much into this project, every braincell I possibly have has been utilized, every part of my social life sacrificed and its something I've constantly been thinking about..even while sleeping (probably why I haven't been sleeping too much of late). I am completely obsessed and I hate it.
This week will unfold all that I have put in, all my hard work, dedication and I really really hope the result comes through.
I strongly believe in the power of prayer. I don't know who, but someone out there is looking out for us constantly. Pray from me, will you?

Oh Canada!

There comes a point in your life when you just want to leave everything around you, the people, the place, your surroundings and just run away. Even if it means for a little bit. I was suffering from this run away syndrome. Not that anything was wrong with my life or the people in it but that happens to me once in a while. I just want to get away and for the first time in my life, I actually did. I can proudly say that it was one of the best decisions I've ever managed to take.
I always wanted to visit Canada sometime in my life for various reasons a)I had never seen that part of the world before b) One of my closest friend lives there c) I've always wanted to ride the "Maid of the Mist" ever since I was a little girl
So yeah, I applied for my leave, visa, booked my tickets and I was off to spend 20 odd days covering Toronto, Montreal, Quebec City and Niagara. The only foolish mistake I made was not visit New York, but I possibly couldn't take more time off.Anyway maybe some other time.
As a country (At least what I saw of it) Canada was a live visual example of what I've always wanted India to be (In terms of infrastructure,rules,regulations and the works). In terms of scenic beauty it stands nowhere close to Europe which I think looks just like a picture postcard.

Toronto from the CN Tower

Out of the 2 weeks I spent with my closest friends in Toronto, I traveled alone (mind you, a key word for all those who know "paa")to Montreal and Quebec City which was by far the best experience of my life. I took a bus from Toronto to Montreal (which I almost missed btw, cause we overslept)and when I reached the Montreal bus terminal, I had no clue where to go or where my hotel was. I lost my google map printout and everyone around me spoke only French so it was really hard for me to explain as to where I needed to go.
Suddenly out of nowhere a Moroccan girl who spoke fluent English came to my rescue, we got talking and I figured that she was just back after spending a whole year in India. She was so sweet (and hot too btw) that she actually walked me to my hotel. Montreal had a huge jazz festival that evening which I attended with her friends and her which again was such a fabulous experience.

Fairmont Le Chateau Frontenac

En route to Quebec City along with a group of Australians, Chinese, Mexicans and some Polish tourists we stopped by at a Black Eyed Peas concert. I haven't been to too many live concerts but this indeed was a rocking evening. Quebec City reminded me a lot of Bruges-Belgium. Very pretty, small but can get slightly boring after a point for a city sucker like me. The high tea at the Fairmont Le Chateau Frontenac was the highlight of the Quebec City visit.

Coming back to Toronto where I spent most of my days shopping,eating,drinking and making merry, Toronto almost seemed like I was in Bombay. Every second person you bump into is Indian which completely takes the feeling of being abroad away from you. Sigh! well at least I was in a cleaner and less polluted India.

Hippo!

I saw Toronto in an amphibious vehicle (one that works on land and floats in water), cheesy according to R, but I thought Henrietta Hippo (the name of the vehicle) was the best way I could see the important sights of the city. The best thing I liked about Toronto is how it is alive even in the night. The city skyline in the night, the CN tower,the various bars, restaurants, nightclubs, its almost like people are up all through the night, every night.

Blueberry muffin martini

We visited a martini bar where obviously for every reason I did have the blueberry muffin martini and
trust me when I say it was yum!

Tims

My trip to Canada will hold a special place in my life forever. It gave me a chance to experience things I have never done alone before. Randomly taking off to Niagara for the weekend (with our dearest Gps, our life), getting stalked by an Indian at Eaton Center (Yes, deserves a blogpost of its own),getting lost at random train stations, bus stops,shopping like there's no tomorrow,crazy days, crazier nights,paying 30 dollars to watch "I hate luv stories" before it releases in India and getting slapped by friends after,getting thrown out of a Dutch bar after being the only Spain supporter there, the hot chocolate at R's college,the July 1st and July 4th fireworks from across the border,Tim Hortin's (Ice cap and toasted wheat bagel with garlic cream cheese), R's birthday surprise celebrations and so many more memories I can never forget.

Niagara

R's ca

I hope there are many more trips to follow. Maybe the Canadian Rockies with Alaska.

The Blog is 2

You turn 2 today. Well technically, you are much older considering I've written and deleted you innumerable times earlier. However, just as last year, I want to thank you for being a constant in my life. I love this relationship we share. I can rant to you about almost anything and I know you will listen. We share a lot of private notes in this very public space and sometimes its just us who know what we are talking about. You've seen it all in these 2 years. Rants,promotions,friends,foes,break-ups and make-ups and let me warn you, this is only the beginning.
Anyway thank you once again for helping me go through this roller-coaster of a journey called life with knowing that I have a companion to share my deepest desires,secrets,rants, sorrows and happiness!
Here's to us! I can say I love you, and truly mean it!