Social Media Detox

 Just deleted my social media accounts for the 500th time. Lately social media has been nothing other than sharing disappointing, vicious, malicious, unverified news truth of which nobody really knows and I felt it was getting too toxic for my liking.

I also feel that I need to learn how to bake a cake without posting about it, plant a vegetable seed without talking about it or wish a friend personally without announcing to the world

Lets see if and when I decide to go back. Keep you posted...

PS: This hopefully means more productivity and maybe more writing? Well lets see...

COVID 19

 I almost forgot I wrote a blog and of course forgot the password right before logging in today. Well before I write about what's happening with me as of now lets go back to March 2020 when all of this began.

March 2020

I was pretty much living my regular life, had my tickets booked to Sydney for the 25th of March leading a delegation of 30 odd people, booked my tickets to Leh, figuring out new places to eat at in the city (Bombay), had friends over for Holi and I was busy rekindling some, actually one broken friendship (so to say). I heard about the corona virus hitting China but I wasn't really bothered about it. I was doing a lot long drives out of Bombay those days and one day on March 20th if I am not wrong when we were driving back from Daman is when the news of the virus hitting home really sort of struck me. As I came home that night and the Prime Minister announced the lockdown, I literally had no idea what happened. I mean to be very honest I actually had to google the meaning of a pandemic! Besides that of course there was that shock of no maid and for the first time in 35 years it meant I had to do house work. Right in the beginning it was fun. Like cardio but entertaining. I did everything, things I had never anticipated I had to do and honestly I was happy. It was a challenge managing work from home with the chores and because I used to miss eating out so much I was also doing so much cooking over the weekends but it was fun because I was learning. New things, things I had not done before and things I was keen on learning. 

I also literally became so responsible overnight. Thanks to things going completely online (blessed to live in a city like Bombay that adapts so well each time there is a problem) I had to take over all the responsibilities in the house. From banking to groceries, from sanitizing to doctors besides of course all the work load and workouts I was heavily involved in it. There were also those virtual calls with my friends, my family, my work mates, my neighbours everyone and anyone you can think of, shooting one million virtual birthday videos and you know the best part, I didn't feel like complaining. 

At this point I would also like to thank my virtual cooking club (where 3 of us got together every weekend challenging ourselves to cook/bake/innovate something new). Although the vessels later were a nightmare those cooking sessions were so therapeutic 

September 2020

And then came my birthday. All India complete lockdown. If you know me, you know how special birthdays are to me and how deeply I care about them Not only mine but others too. It may sound so surprising but my lockdown birthday was one of the best birthdays of my entire life. My friends really went out of the way to make my day extra special and I felt so appreciated because they understood how difficult it had been for me to go from baby of the house to boss of the house in just a couple of months. I mean I literally do not know anyone who forgot to wish me, I had 9 cakes for crying out loud and I didn't even buy a single one of them :). I had virtual cocktail parties, I had birthday movies that included my family, friends and colleagues from all over the world, I had 2 simultaneous birthday gift countdowns with literally every gift that I could have possibly imagined, I had my favourite balloons sent to me, people coming all the way just to visit me from my window and also friends that cooked massive meals at home and delivered it to me so that I wouldn't have to lift a finger that day. If you were any of the above people and are reading this I am so grateful for having you in my life and please know that I love you so much. 

December 2020

We started reaching the end of the year. Work started getting worse. Borders weren't going to open. Our working days were reduced. Friends started to lose jobs, however cases also comparatively started to reduce so we still had hope in our hearts. This stage was slightly difficult for me because people started stepping out. The world was in Goa but I wasn't. Friends were meeting but I didn't. Living with my parents I just wanted to avoid them ever facing the repercussions of my carelessness. I wouldn't be able to forgive my self if that happened and honestly one dinner didn't seem worth it at all.

Feb 2021

Welcomed the new year with so much hope but obviously corona was going no where. By now I had reached my wits end and was longing to travel. Managed to gather some guts and spend a week in Delhi. Now imagine what a culture shock it was for me from straight being at home for a year to reach the airport. Obviously spent most of my time at home in Delhi too but it was refreshing, just getting some sun, one dinner, few walks, meeting a friend, came back refreshed but straight into a week of quarantine and a test later did I meet my parents. Spending that week in quarantine was so challenging and depressing again that whole week in Delhi didn't feel worth this torture.

April 2021

Just when I started feeling a little confident about at least reaching the salon, the second wave of the pandemic has hit us and it is bad. Covid is too close to home. We have lost closed ones and are in complete lockdown once again. But this time I just can't take it. Work has gone from  bad to worse because India is so high on covid numbers. People seem to be taking it too lightly not realizing that even though they might survive this pandemic but others might not thanks to them. It is difficult to push yourself daily, motivate yourself  and continue to challenge yourself amongst this monotonous routine. It saddens me to see this circus that has been made of India thanks to its politicians, religion, media and social media. Fake news, drama, lies, venom spewing everyday on the idiot box can really be frustrating.

But I guess at the end of the day all we can survive on is hope. I choose to tune myself out of people and social media that can get so toxic. I choose not to judge my relationships with anyone during this pandemic as everyone is fighting a battle of their own. I choose not to think of anyone's problems less important than mine. I choose to believe that a better tomorrow is out there and I choose to wait for it patiently. I choose to thank God for my life, respect things better than I used to, thank him for our relentless Covid workers without whom none of us would've survived this lockdown.

After all other than compassion, what else do we have to give any way....Damn, I grew up this last year!

PS: That friendship I was trying to rekindle in March 2020, I chose to give up on and that was one of the best decisions I could've ever made for myself.

Life and its unpredictable games

Life is unpredictable. Things happen when you least expect them to happen. And things that you are waiting for eternity sometimes just never happen. And you know what the funniest part about life is? Things that you have longed for, when they finally happen, they don't seem to give you the kind of elated feeling you expected when you were waiting for them.
People are unpredictable. They claim they love you, then they run away from you and when you're done chasing and wondering what when wrong they come back to you. I mean sometimes I really can't seem to catch a break. Why can't people be clear in their head as to what they want or expect from others? Like me, I have clear compartments. Friends, Family, Best Friends, Someone special, potential crush, people I never want to see again etc and even a dislike box and everyone I meet mentally goes into one of these compartments.
People, men especially on the other hand seem to have very blur boundaries. I often find they would like to keep things very vague until you go crazy trying to figure out what you actually mean to them. They might like you but they will be too cowardice to tell you that. If you take the initiative then they will feel that you're coming on too strong and run away. If you question them there's a problem, if you don't then you are a snob. After 35 most of the single men are any way commitment phobic so God forbid you mention the "M" word even by mistake or in another context they will flee to another planet. And of course because they never really told you who you actually are to them you will find out from social media one day how they are actually dating other people because they are "Technically" single . Sigh! I've given up on men really. Not like I've ever chased them or I intend to either. They are just a bunch of confused children who want everything in life but don't really want to work for it or towards it for that matter.
Coming back to life, a friend recently asked me if I was religious? and why I went to the church every Saturday and what I really wished for there? It got me thinking. I guess I am not religious because I believe religion divides people, and that's not something I believe in. I believe in faith. A faith that I have with a power and that relationship between him and me is something so personal it cannot be defined. Some call him Jesus, some Allah, some Ram but I truly believe there is this one power that all us believers really talk to, pray to and hence when we are fighting against each other we are actually fighting for the same thing.
Make sense?

People, Love and other random thoughts...

If you know me you know how much I love talking about love. No, not that pink candyfloss non existent Mills and Boons love but the more practical, realist kind which I truly believe exists even though I don't seem to have found it yet.
I was in Delhi a few days ago and experienced the so called Delhi winters for the first time and really felt ashamed for all those freezing in Mumbai Instagram stories haha! I saw a very different side to Delhi this time and I have to admit I completely fell in love with it. Besides the weather I saw Delhi through the eyes of my friends who have spent their entire lives there and believe me it was a whole other experience compared to the other 1 million times I've visited. Besides it being great for me, I think they had a great time reminiscing their good old days as well which made the whole experience even better right. Isn't it also really so nice when you meet a friend who you can have interesting conversations with? Especially when you have common tastes in so many things. I mean you might already know them but when you actually get to talking to someone one on one I think that is the time you really get to know them. Feels pretty good.
When I came back it was back to the good old days for me as I was playing tour guide to my 20 year old niece who is bag packing all across the world for the next 7 months. Man! At 20 she would've seen half the globe. So proud of her for being able to make this decision and taking this bold step. I did give her one piece of advice though. I've been in the travel business for about 14 years now and although it is great to see this great shift in people who suddenly want to travel and see the world, I told her that she should travel with a purpose. If she is in India today and plans to be in Perth 7 months later she might not even remember her first day in Mumbai. I told her to document her travels, to make her presence on social media, create a brand for herself, use this knowledge that she accumulates to help other foreigners (especially solo female travelers) to plan their trips and if she manages to earn some money with this she can use it to fund her further travels. I take travel very personally and I don't want her to be a part of a fad or rats race that is just traveling to fill pages of their passports or for social media. It is way way beyond that.
Traveling was instilled in us right through childhood starting from family vacations, trips with mom and later solo travel as well and I can proudly say that the things I have learnt through all these years is so precious and incomparable to anything I could've learnt in a textbook.
Kaiwan my best friend turned 40 and his wife my best friend again threw a surprise party for him where we went bowling and go karting with 25 of his friends. Kaiwan is always the wise often strict one among us who often stops Shakti and me from going crazy but while racing on those go karts it was surreal to see the little child in him come alive and I think Shakti couldn't have planned anything better for him on this special day. I don't mean to boast but that's a Virgo woman. We can go to any extent to make the people we love happy on their special day or on any day for that matter. I think that is why it also becomes difficult for people to please us. Our level of attention to detail is actually quite difficult to match
Coming to sun signs I get along best with Cancerians. The crabs! Pretend to be these aloof, cold hearted, content with themselves individuals but are such goofy, soft and loyal people. Most of my best friends are cancerians and they all have the same traits. I've never really dated a Cancerian man though, as far as I can remember. I am pretty sure I haven't cause if he was my crab I would never let him go :)
Everyone craves a connection. Of any kind. The world is a lonely place and the more I meet people I realize how empty life can get for people sometimes. I want to say so much more but I must get to calling it a day and book my uber home on a x100 times surge. Can't wait for 5km to become super easy for me so I can just start walking home. Soon enough!
Write soon...

So much has happened!

It's 2020! What the hell. 2020 used to be the year I never imagined would come. The year the world would end. The year that seemed so so far away.
Well, nothing like that happened and here I am writing my first blog post after 3 years. Lots has happened in the past 3 years. More than anything, I've grown up. Experiences in life can teach you a lot.
Well over the last 3 years I lost my grandmother who I was extremely close to. I faced 2 huge health scares one related to my mother and the other to my father. I moved on from things I was holding on to which were of no significance to me anymore and more than anything else I moved on from saying yes to things I actually wanted to say no to.
I often find myself like a fish out of water in this complicated world. Like I don't fit in. It is manipulative, competitive and we are constantly using every ounce of our energy to run after things which I'm not sure we even want.
I crawled through my first 10k few weeks ago. I've never been into running. Ever! If you know me you would know that forget running, I wouldn't even walk unless I really had to. I have to be super honest with you. I signed up for this 10k somewhere around mid 2019 and then forgot all about it..

On November 1st 2019 for many reasons that I do not really want to get in to but for no fault of mine I was described by someone who I once held dear with the choicest of adjectives which I never imagined to be used to describe me. Except for one word that was indeed true among all the lies. "Unfit".  That hit me so hard that I signed up with my nutritionist, got a personal trainer and got things going for me in the right direction. However, there was always this heavy weight on my chest and I could not get all those words out of my mind for I knew that I was not any of those things that were used to describe me. There were times I wanted to scream my side of the story and tell everyone the real truth but I decided against it. Those who have to stick with me will. Those who don't aren't worth the convincing anyway.

During these days I also ended up having a lot more free time with the year ending, Christmas holidays etc. So, I decided to give running a shot. Initially, I struggled to even walk. My feet used to burn in like 15 minutes and I thought I would die from all the pain. But slowly I started picking up the rhythm, I started feeling that it was like the therapy I needed. My very close friends started encouraging me, Hell they even signed up for a 10k just so that they could walk besides me to support me. And this is inspite of going through surgeries and cancelling attending weddings. Close friends that were running triple the distance I was constantly motivated and believed in me more than I believed in myself
That's when I realized I had to do this. For them but also most importantly for me. Not to show the person who described me using those negative adjectives or who compared me to someone new like I was an old car ready to be junked but for me to show myself that I was capable of what seemed the impossible in my life
And I did...

Back

Can't believe I am writing again. I doubt any of you still read my blog but thank you to all those who did until I wrote last. So life's been ok. I read my previous posts and they serve as such wonderful memories (good and bad) of my past and hence I've decided to continue documenting my life so that I'll have something interesting to read in my old age.
So life since I left this place last? Well, It's been interesting, a mixed bag of emotions, stress, achievements, travel..typical I guess. We lost my nani earlier this year which has been really hard on me since she lived with us for 10 whole years. Its insane how close we were but I'm going to reserve a whole blogpost for nani later.
I'm going to be 33 in a couple of months and the thought of it is freaking me out. Yes I know age is just a number and blah blah but I am amazed at the pace at which life is moving. It feels just like yesterday I was a carefree girl living in the moment, doing exactly what I pleased and suddenly I have responsibilities, things to think about, savings to make, a future to decide, people who I need to decide my future with.
During this time I have also developed new friendships. Some old friendships that have gotten sour. Some old friendships that have gotten stronger. Some old friendships that went through rough phases and emerged stronger and some new friendships that I hope to continue forever.
Personal travel has taken a backseat because as I mentioned earlier I am more conscious and have other responsibilities, but I plan to change this because traveling is my passion and all I need to do is plan better.
You know what's weird though? Life and incidents in it have made me insecure as person which I never was. I don't know if it is the unsure future, the lack of trust in individuals or the fact that its been so long that I've been independent I've forgotten what it is to trust other people and their decisions?
The worst feeling in the world is to be cheated upon. This doesn't only apply onto relationships it can be in any sphere of life. I think that is something that would break me and it would be really hard for be to bounce back. I appreciate people who tell me the truth on my face. It hurts but trust me I much prefer it cause at least its honest. Lies are the biggest form of betrayal that anyone can face and I try my level best to avoid lying to people.
Anyway, this was just another welcome back me, or a Hi! I'm alive post. More, hopefully optimistic stuff to be up soon
Say hello if you're still going to be reading and that will motivate me to continue writing

Until then!

Are you a believer?

Today while walking on the Carter Road promenade listening to my favourite U2 I came across some graffiti. Amidst all the mess the local boy clubs were trying to make with the spray paint I came across something written in bold black letters "It's all written" I can't help but think if we really have a purpose in this world or are we playing a role that someone somewhere has already written for us.
It explains a lot doesn't it? Destiny is quite a convenient option or an easy answer  to solving a problem. Can't get something done? Blame it on destiny. Better still come up with the whole "ultimately it's destined but you have the power to alter your destiny" Really? I don't know if it's the cynic in me typing but I don't think we are destined to do anything. I'm not sure if my role in this life is already written by someone else and if I'm only playing the part I'm supposed to be playing. I don't think people walk in or out of my life because they are destined to. I'm sure I have at least a little to do with it. Or maybe I haven't understood the concept of destiny correctly and hence I'm so cynical about it.
I guess all I'm trying to say is let's take onus of our actions, learn from our mistakes,try to rectify messed
up situations and stop waiting for "something" to happen cause trust me, nothing will and all you'll do is sigh and say "what can I do? It was not in my destiny"!
Ps: written on my phone in a moving vehicle. Excuse the grammatical errors